Myth #1: Being an Attractive Man Is Always About Appealing To What Women Say They Want.
If you are one of those vehement supporters of this myth, you should get a noose and hang yourself - you'll be better off. Trying to get a woman to like you by attempting to live up to her ideal preferences in a man is a one way ticket to transforming your ego into a proverbial punching bag.
Women prefer tall dark handsome rich men, packing dogs with garden hose length and telephone pole girth.
Oh, furthermore, if you don't want to fall short of their expectations you better be lumbered with chiseled abs and a copious bubble butt. If your rump isn't up to par, you could always get silicon butt cheek implants.
But forewarning: Your black-and-blue rear will be so sore that you won't be able to sit down for a month.
As those of you know who have been reading my aticles and have read my book: Attraction is not what a woman says she wants. If attraction was what women say they prefer, then I wouldn't know short, bald, fat, and broke guys experiencing massive success with women.
But I do.
Attraction, contrary to this, is about you creating the emotion inside women of wanting, chasing, and reaching for more of you.
Although my short, bald, fat and broke Casanova buddies don't fill the quota of the "ideal man," they
do manage to generate the emotion inside women of wanting, chasing, and reaching for more of
them. And this, my friend, is why they are massively successful with women.
The art of creating this emotion in women is what I call PRIZING. My book is chockfull of different techniques for PRIZING women, some of which are Open Loops, Tension Loops, Challenging & Qualifying, and Meta-Frames.
One of the best things you can do to set the groundwork for PRIZING women is to make them strive to fill the quota of your ideal female. So, when you're out with a woman, don't behave like a spineless little worm, asking her questions such as: "How am I doing with you?"
Instead, when she behaves in ways that go against your standards and expectations of women, let her know that she is losing points with you - and losing points quickly!
Myth #2: If A Woman Is Of Higher Value Than You She Is Not Allowed To Be Attracted To You.
This one actually rings some truth. Let me explain. If you see a woman and immediately, in your mind, consecrate her as a Goddess amongst Goddesses you must bow down to, you are figuratively butt ramming yourself, because you are setting the frame that she is the Prize, not you.
As those of you who have read my book know, women do not feel attraction for men who are not the PRIZE.
Viewing a woman you have just met as a Goddess amongst Goddesses is fine, as long as you perceive yourself as a God amongst Gods and abstain from bowing down to her.
What is the lesson to be learned?
Objective value doesn't exist, only perceived value does. Although women are usually not attracted to men of lesser value than themselves, you can do a lot to increase your value.
Whenever interacting with a woman, a Meta-Frame - or underlying meaning - is established, determining your value in relation to hers. When you allow a woman's perceived value to intimidate you, or make you feel of lesser value than her, you are unknowingly establishing the Meta-Frame that
she is the PRIZE, not you.
So the key is to stop fretting about some aspect of her being of higher value than some aspect of you,
plundering you of your self-esteem. When interacting with a woman, if you ever feel ugly to her beauty or pedestrian to her sophistication or like a retarded little spaz to her sense of cool...or whatever, change your focus of attention.
See the bigger picture. Realize that when first meeting a woman you paint a picture in your mind of who you think she is, based on a few aspects you observe about her. This picture usually ends up being way off base.
Learn to take control of your perceptions:
If you feel intimidated by her beauty, imagine what she looks like in the morning without her makeup; if her sophistication renders you tongue-tied, consider that she might be putting on an act to impress you; if you start worrying about how much older you are than her, imagine how much worse she's going to look when she's your age...and so on.
Myth # 3: If You Want To Attract Women You Have To Act Like You Enjoy And Are Interested In The Things That They Enjoy.
This pathetic little myth is really a product of the collective dating advice for men self-help books for sale at a bookstore near you, touting men to develop the personality of an obedient lapdog.
This myth couldn't be further from the truth. Women are attracted to men, not little puppy dogs.
Hypothetically speaking, let's say you are dating a girl who has a thing for musical kitsch: think Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera.
You, however, despise this kind of music and would prefer the sound of nails on a chalkboard to this crap.
What should you do:
Pretend Britney's great or tell her what you really think?
Although counterintuitive, pretending to like something you don't genuinely like is unattractive to women.
Likewise, having a willingness to express what you hate can redound in women finding you very attractive.
Exceptions, of course, do exist. For example, specific activities have been deemed by our culture as having a high social value. You might, for example, prefer reading comic books over participating in these activities.
There could be consequences, however, to not participating in them. In one of my upcoming products, I touch on these activities. I will probably publish a newsletter in the near future addressing
these activities.
Furthermore, I am not suggesting that you jettison all of a woman's interests and tastes that you do not share. Doing this will turn you into a creepy control freak and you will probably end up becoming a very unhappy, boring person.
Only being around people with the same interests and tastes as you, will stifle your growth as a human being - diversity is good.
I personally love to be around people that introduce me to things I don't know a lot about. This is how I develop new interests and grow as a human being.
My gripe is with men faking an interest in something as a means to get someone to like them. Doing this is really handing your balls over on a platter to the other person.
Don't do this.
Don't give away your power. It is one of the most unattractive qualities you can possess.
Myth # 4: Women Don't Like Sex And Will Only Sleep With You After You Go Through Great Lengths Courting Them.
This one really makes my skin crawl. My life experience keeps reaffirming that beyond the shadow of a doubt this myth doesn't even contain a smattering of truth.
Women love sex and can be as aggressive as men when it come to obtaining it.
If you doubt this, make some female friends who are not interested in you. That way they won't be concerned with how you judge them, allowing them to shed their ladylike pretenses and talk candidly about their sexuality. Warning: This lurid peek into the female sexual psyche might frighten you - it isn't for the faint of heart.
What you will find is that women are as sexual as men...if not more.
Also, I wouldn't be surprised if these women told you about how much fun quickies, one-night-stands,
and meaningless sex can be.
Many women hold off on sleeping with men because they lest being judged as sluts. It can be quite powerful to tease women about acting sexually forward or aggressive towards you.
Acting genuinely concerned, though, about a woman's sexually promiscuity can transform a sexually adventurous woman into a frigid prude.
Most men I know who are unbelievable at quickly getting women into bed have a knack for making
women feel comfortable expressing their sexual habits and promiscuity (Note: This is, of course, in the context of women you've just met. You probably wouldn't want to encourage this kind of promiscuity in your wife or girlfriend).
Myth # 5: If You Aren't Currently Good With Women You Probably Aren't Going To Get Any Better.
Simply not true.
I don't believe this myth for a second.
Over the years I have known many hopeless sad-sack losers who no one believed in, transform
themselves into some of the most skilled ladies men I have ever seen. In many cases these guys ended up more skilled with women than natural ladies men.
This is probably because they had a burning desire to get a foothold on this area of their life.
This self sabotaging myth is disseminated primarily by shrinks, guys who've had little success with women, and ladies men.
I know a few guys who were told by their psychiatrists that if they weren't good with women, they probably weren't going to get any better. And that they'd be better off compromising by settling for a less than desirable woman.
One of these guys stopped seeing his therapist and is now doing fantastic with women. He gets a gold star for firing the bastard.
Some guys down on their success with women will try to feed you all sorts of negative rhetoric, such as:
"if you are not already successful with women, you are not going to get any better."
These guys will infect your mind. Avoid them like the plague.
Some ladies men will try to mystify their abilities by making you think that they are blessed with some unattainable God-given talent. Often times this is an attempt to exalt their abilities at the expense of
your self-esteem. Don't take that crap. You're better than that.
All of the disseminators of this myth are thought viruses that will infect your mind, sabotaging your self-esteem and future opportunities with women. If you currently have any of these people in your life,
KICK 'EM TO THE CURB.
It is an understatement to say that I believe in you; I am convinced that you can succeed with women. I have met and taught men of all walks of life who have successfully turned their lives around with women.
No matter what your current level of success with women is, I know you strive to get to a higher level. Otherwise, you wouldn't be reading this. I know you are capable of achieving your goals with women and I am going to help you get there. And if you haven't already picked up a copy of my book,
do so. It's not written for losers looking to cope with their unfortunate situation. It's written for winners:
People who are ready to take the bull by the horns and start achieving and living the success they dream about. At the end of the day, $39.95 is a small price to pay to be fully equipped with the tools you need to start experiencing massive success with women. So if you haven't already picked up my book, do so now.
Real World Seduction
Swinggcat is widely recognized as one of the top Dating Guru's in the Seduction Community as his ebook Real World Seduction is recommended reading for every man.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
What You Need To Know Before You Get An Exclusive Relationship With A Woman
The longer you are in an exclusive relationship with a woman the worse off you are at being able to attract women if and when the two of you break up.
This isn't meant to discourage you from getting into a relationship with a woman; instead it is to let you know how important knowing how to attract women really is.
Part of maintaining a good relationship is to know how to keep the attraction levels high enough and the ability to be willing to end the relationship rather than do something you don't want.
If you already knew how to attract women before getting into the relationship even though your skills might get rusty.
Maintaining the attraction level and having the confidence in knowing that if you must end it you can and still attract women; allows you to take the steps you have to take in order to keep the relationship going strong or end it if necessary.
However, if you enter the relationship simply feeling lucky that you got her or no real idea how you attracted her.
You will not know how to maintain the attraction level and might not be willing to end it instead simply doing what she wants in the hopes that it somehow works out.
When the time comes for you to begin the process of finding another woman you are much more likely to continue trying to get the woman you already knew you were lucky to have in the first place.
Not only does this not work at attracting women it does more to push the woman you were lucky to have further away from you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
This isn't meant to discourage you from getting into a relationship with a woman; instead it is to let you know how important knowing how to attract women really is.
Part of maintaining a good relationship is to know how to keep the attraction levels high enough and the ability to be willing to end the relationship rather than do something you don't want.
If you already knew how to attract women before getting into the relationship even though your skills might get rusty.
Maintaining the attraction level and having the confidence in knowing that if you must end it you can and still attract women; allows you to take the steps you have to take in order to keep the relationship going strong or end it if necessary.
However, if you enter the relationship simply feeling lucky that you got her or no real idea how you attracted her.
You will not know how to maintain the attraction level and might not be willing to end it instead simply doing what she wants in the hopes that it somehow works out.
When the time comes for you to begin the process of finding another woman you are much more likely to continue trying to get the woman you already knew you were lucky to have in the first place.
Not only does this not work at attracting women it does more to push the woman you were lucky to have further away from you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Relationship-On-The-Rocks?
Do you feel as if every time you have a discussion with your significant other you need to wear boxing gloves? Do you feel misunderstood by your loved one? or does your loved one feel misunderstood by you? If you decide to go into the boxing ring... Use these ground rules for "fighting".
Ask for an appointment to have a heart to heart .
Limit this time. Don't spend a lot of time in a fight. The longer it goes the less productive it will be. Get to the point. Acknowledge your partners feelings, make your feelings known, reach a mutual solution and reconnect.
don't criticize or blame; suggest Instead. Ask and give permission to do so.
No Weapons (sarcasm, insolence, negative tones, abruptness)
Say what you mean and validate what you hear.
Don't play therapist - Coaching is different
Search for facts - no mind reading you ask for permission.
NO EXCUSES! - take responsibility for your part.
Say whatever you need to say once
Respect, hug, show affection, and use attachment skills and give genuine felt appreciation and praise.
TIME OUT! - use it if need be, but be responsible to initiate the engage after a disengage
Try using attachment skills to ease the discomfort. Remember, if you aren't giving t to your partner there may be someone out there that won't miss out on the opportunity.
LIMIT!!! - the frequency of fights. Allow time to reassure you that this isn't just an impulsive feeling. Don't resume the fight until the appointed time. Have fun and play during the reconnection.
If you have any questions and or comments email me.
Ask for an appointment to have a heart to heart .
Limit this time. Don't spend a lot of time in a fight. The longer it goes the less productive it will be. Get to the point. Acknowledge your partners feelings, make your feelings known, reach a mutual solution and reconnect.
don't criticize or blame; suggest Instead. Ask and give permission to do so.
No Weapons (sarcasm, insolence, negative tones, abruptness)
Say what you mean and validate what you hear.
Don't play therapist - Coaching is different
Search for facts - no mind reading you ask for permission.
NO EXCUSES! - take responsibility for your part.
Say whatever you need to say once
Respect, hug, show affection, and use attachment skills and give genuine felt appreciation and praise.
TIME OUT! - use it if need be, but be responsible to initiate the engage after a disengage
Try using attachment skills to ease the discomfort. Remember, if you aren't giving t to your partner there may be someone out there that won't miss out on the opportunity.
LIMIT!!! - the frequency of fights. Allow time to reassure you that this isn't just an impulsive feeling. Don't resume the fight until the appointed time. Have fun and play during the reconnection.
If you have any questions and or comments email me.
5 Ways To Having Your Best Internet Profile Possible
You are finally biting the bullet and decide to try online dating. You have narrowed down one or two sites that your friends have recommended you try where they are having success meeting people. Now you have to write your internet profile. That's the hard part!
Or you have had your internet dating profile up for a while and have not seen much action lately. Perhaps it is time for you to reevaluate your profile and see if you can make improvements to attract more quality candidates to your internet profile. What if writing is not your forte? If you follow the five ideas outlined below, you will be putting your best foot forward and on your way to experiencing the excitement of internet dating or revitalizing your internet potential.
Today's dating tips for men and women are for those who want to have better success with internet dating. After checking out the format of the profile and how others are presenting themselves on that site, I encourage you to:
1. Present the most authentic you!
Show your potential dates the real you. If you put down stuff that you are not, you will attract the wrong people and eventually it will come out, causing big relationship issues down the line. For example, if you can't stand cats and say you like animals, then what will you do if your date has a cat? My philosophy is what you put out there is what you will attract. Just like an ad in a magazine - if a company advertises a car with a powerful engine, it will attract people who want that in a car.
So it is best to be honest and upfront with your profile. Describe what you need and want in a relationship. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want (as long as it is socially appropriate!). If you want marriage and a family – then put that down in your profile. You will attract those who want the same things as you, and turn away those who would be scared by that comment-that's a good thing!
2. Tell your audience what's unique about you!
A key relationship question is what sets you apart from the next guy or gal? What is special about you? Do you have any special talents? You want someone who appreciates that about you. If you have an artistic bent, or you sing in a chorus, describe that! If you run marathons or help out with volunteer activities, put that down. This will set you apart from all the other internet profiles out there and can help you in finding your Get It Right This Time™ partner.
3. Take your reader into your experiences with you!
I believe in bringing the reader into the experiences that you truly value. Not just superficially mention you like running through the park, but send out an invitation for them to join you. For instance, one of my clients described how he loves to jog in a city park in the fall when the air is crisp and the leaves are multi-tonal. Doesn't this description have a "come join me" feeling? Don't just mention that you like concerts and movies. Describe what kind of concerts you prefer and types of movies you love. Including this type of detail will help answer relationship questions for those looking at your profile.
4. Describe what's truly important to you!
What gets you up in the morning? What truly motivates you in life? One of my clients truly values giving of herself to the community. She is an avid volunteer. I'm sure she wants to attract someone who also values giving to the community as well. When you get beyond the superficial, you will attract those who say, "This person seems to be the kind of person I want to meet!"
5. Invest in hiring a professional for the all important photo!
We do live in a visual society and we do judge a book by a cover! Studies have shown that the photo is the key to whether a person decides to check out your profile or not. If you are not sure how you come across in the photo, then ask a friend or co-worker for their opinion. I request my clients to get a professional photo 95% of the time. Make sure the photo is a current one of you, within a year or two!
Some internet dating sites do provide you with a list of photographers in your area who specialize in internet dating photos. As an added bonus, you will have a photo of yourself to give to your family members come December as a holiday gift!
By following the ideas presented above by your relationship coach, I guarantee that you will see an improvement in the type of people who are contacting you, as well as the responses you are getting from those you are contacting.
Copyright (c) 2007 Heartmind Connection, LLC
Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC, certified professional life coach and dating-relationship expert, helps singles to attract the right romantic relationship into their lives, is the author of “Motivated to Marry™-Now There is a Better Method for Dating and Relationships!” and speaks nationally to groups on dating and relationships. For dating tips for men and women, subscribe to her monthly ezine and teleclasses at: http://www.heartmindconnection.com
Or you have had your internet dating profile up for a while and have not seen much action lately. Perhaps it is time for you to reevaluate your profile and see if you can make improvements to attract more quality candidates to your internet profile. What if writing is not your forte? If you follow the five ideas outlined below, you will be putting your best foot forward and on your way to experiencing the excitement of internet dating or revitalizing your internet potential.
Today's dating tips for men and women are for those who want to have better success with internet dating. After checking out the format of the profile and how others are presenting themselves on that site, I encourage you to:
1. Present the most authentic you!
Show your potential dates the real you. If you put down stuff that you are not, you will attract the wrong people and eventually it will come out, causing big relationship issues down the line. For example, if you can't stand cats and say you like animals, then what will you do if your date has a cat? My philosophy is what you put out there is what you will attract. Just like an ad in a magazine - if a company advertises a car with a powerful engine, it will attract people who want that in a car.
So it is best to be honest and upfront with your profile. Describe what you need and want in a relationship. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want (as long as it is socially appropriate!). If you want marriage and a family – then put that down in your profile. You will attract those who want the same things as you, and turn away those who would be scared by that comment-that's a good thing!
2. Tell your audience what's unique about you!
A key relationship question is what sets you apart from the next guy or gal? What is special about you? Do you have any special talents? You want someone who appreciates that about you. If you have an artistic bent, or you sing in a chorus, describe that! If you run marathons or help out with volunteer activities, put that down. This will set you apart from all the other internet profiles out there and can help you in finding your Get It Right This Time™ partner.
3. Take your reader into your experiences with you!
I believe in bringing the reader into the experiences that you truly value. Not just superficially mention you like running through the park, but send out an invitation for them to join you. For instance, one of my clients described how he loves to jog in a city park in the fall when the air is crisp and the leaves are multi-tonal. Doesn't this description have a "come join me" feeling? Don't just mention that you like concerts and movies. Describe what kind of concerts you prefer and types of movies you love. Including this type of detail will help answer relationship questions for those looking at your profile.
4. Describe what's truly important to you!
What gets you up in the morning? What truly motivates you in life? One of my clients truly values giving of herself to the community. She is an avid volunteer. I'm sure she wants to attract someone who also values giving to the community as well. When you get beyond the superficial, you will attract those who say, "This person seems to be the kind of person I want to meet!"
5. Invest in hiring a professional for the all important photo!
We do live in a visual society and we do judge a book by a cover! Studies have shown that the photo is the key to whether a person decides to check out your profile or not. If you are not sure how you come across in the photo, then ask a friend or co-worker for their opinion. I request my clients to get a professional photo 95% of the time. Make sure the photo is a current one of you, within a year or two!
Some internet dating sites do provide you with a list of photographers in your area who specialize in internet dating photos. As an added bonus, you will have a photo of yourself to give to your family members come December as a holiday gift!
By following the ideas presented above by your relationship coach, I guarantee that you will see an improvement in the type of people who are contacting you, as well as the responses you are getting from those you are contacting.
Copyright (c) 2007 Heartmind Connection, LLC
Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC, certified professional life coach and dating-relationship expert, helps singles to attract the right romantic relationship into their lives, is the author of “Motivated to Marry™-Now There is a Better Method for Dating and Relationships!” and speaks nationally to groups on dating and relationships. For dating tips for men and women, subscribe to her monthly ezine and teleclasses at: http://www.heartmindconnection.com
Monday, July 9, 2007
I'm Almost Perfect But No One Wants Me! Why Not? Eight Tips For Meaningful Relationships
The search is exciting, but the catch is disappointing. Recognize that experience? When you interact with a potential partner your internal monitor searches for features that match items on your conscious checklist like appearance, status, and humor. But your unconscious is making a different search. It is looking for someone that resembles key figures in your life with whom you have unresolved issues. Guess which part of you makes the final choice. Yes, it is the unconscious. Your internal radar instantly matches some characteristics of a potential partner with a template you have inside. That pattern may have features that belonged to a parent, grandparent, sibling, teacher or anyone that has some special significance for you. That includes relationships with absent, deceased, unavailable or abusive relatives.
Andrew is an intelligent and sensitive man was the butt of his father’s frustration and yelling. It would literally kill off his spirit. He felt he could never please his parents. He was attracted to a girl who was lively, had similar interests and seemed open. Within a short while he found that she yelled and judged him as being in the wrong, just like his father. Her couldn’t please her and was scared of losing her.
Stephanie is terrified that she cannot make a man interested in her. She is constantly let down, disappointed and heartbroken when relationships break off after short times, when the men flirt with others, or move on with their lives, leaving her behind. Her deepest wish is to be the only person in the world for her partner, and acts in ways to demand that. When a boyfriend wants to do something without her she experiences it as a deep wound and unforgivable betrayal.
Both Andrew and Stephanie are viewing their partners through the lens of their personal needs and compulsion to get those needs acknowledged and attended to. Their relationships are therefore made on a corrupt basis, and are not likely to succeed. The same pattern of agony and ecstasy repeats in an unfulfilling cycle with future relationships.
What Do You Seek In A Partner That You Can’t Find?
* A universal accepting person who will take you on despite your imperfections
* A mirror image of yourself so you can feel complete
* Someone who can give you by default all the things you didn’t get as a child, and demand thereafter
* Someone who will fill the empty void that aches for constant reassurance
* A person who will demonstrate by choosing you and rejecting the world that you are important
* Someone who is ‘together’ and strong enough to handle life when it is too much for you
* An angel who knows how you feel without having to be told
* Someone who has enough room for you to hitch a life with, by becoming part of theirs
Maximizing Your Chances Of Creating a Successful Partnership
* Allow and respect your partner’s wishes and needs to do things separate from you. Let your partner breathe and your relationship will flourish.
* Begin to have a relationship with yourself that makes you a real person.- with opinions and preferences
*Accept your own values, passions, fears and weak points. The mix is what makes you interesting and unique. No one wants to date a perfect automaton who never messes up.
* Value what is unique about yourself and project that image.
* When you catch yourself trying to please and choking off your own desires, stop and ask yourself why you want to kill yourself off in order to be loved. If you are dead, who is going to be loved?
*Give yourself permission to ‘live’ and enjoy yourself. Waiting for another person to complete you is putting undue responsibility on a potential partner, and isn’t their job.
*When your buttons get pushed, ask yourself what prior experience it is triggering. Address the original event, not the trigger.
* Keep a good reservoir of energy, respect and love for yourself. If you give it all away in the hope that you will be taken care of in return, you are going to feel empty, angry and unlovable.
*Keep a reality check dialogue going with a partner about whether both of you feel seen and heard for what and who you really are.
Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
http://drjeanetteraymond.com
Andrew is an intelligent and sensitive man was the butt of his father’s frustration and yelling. It would literally kill off his spirit. He felt he could never please his parents. He was attracted to a girl who was lively, had similar interests and seemed open. Within a short while he found that she yelled and judged him as being in the wrong, just like his father. Her couldn’t please her and was scared of losing her.
Stephanie is terrified that she cannot make a man interested in her. She is constantly let down, disappointed and heartbroken when relationships break off after short times, when the men flirt with others, or move on with their lives, leaving her behind. Her deepest wish is to be the only person in the world for her partner, and acts in ways to demand that. When a boyfriend wants to do something without her she experiences it as a deep wound and unforgivable betrayal.
Both Andrew and Stephanie are viewing their partners through the lens of their personal needs and compulsion to get those needs acknowledged and attended to. Their relationships are therefore made on a corrupt basis, and are not likely to succeed. The same pattern of agony and ecstasy repeats in an unfulfilling cycle with future relationships.
What Do You Seek In A Partner That You Can’t Find?
* A universal accepting person who will take you on despite your imperfections
* A mirror image of yourself so you can feel complete
* Someone who can give you by default all the things you didn’t get as a child, and demand thereafter
* Someone who will fill the empty void that aches for constant reassurance
* A person who will demonstrate by choosing you and rejecting the world that you are important
* Someone who is ‘together’ and strong enough to handle life when it is too much for you
* An angel who knows how you feel without having to be told
* Someone who has enough room for you to hitch a life with, by becoming part of theirs
Maximizing Your Chances Of Creating a Successful Partnership
* Allow and respect your partner’s wishes and needs to do things separate from you. Let your partner breathe and your relationship will flourish.
* Begin to have a relationship with yourself that makes you a real person.- with opinions and preferences
*Accept your own values, passions, fears and weak points. The mix is what makes you interesting and unique. No one wants to date a perfect automaton who never messes up.
* Value what is unique about yourself and project that image.
* When you catch yourself trying to please and choking off your own desires, stop and ask yourself why you want to kill yourself off in order to be loved. If you are dead, who is going to be loved?
*Give yourself permission to ‘live’ and enjoy yourself. Waiting for another person to complete you is putting undue responsibility on a potential partner, and isn’t their job.
*When your buttons get pushed, ask yourself what prior experience it is triggering. Address the original event, not the trigger.
* Keep a good reservoir of energy, respect and love for yourself. If you give it all away in the hope that you will be taken care of in return, you are going to feel empty, angry and unlovable.
*Keep a reality check dialogue going with a partner about whether both of you feel seen and heard for what and who you really are.
Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
http://drjeanetteraymond.com
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
What You Need To Know Before You Get An Exclusive Relationship With A Woman
The longer you are in an exclusive relationship with a woman the worse off you are at being able to attract women if and when the two of you break up.
This isn't meant to discourage you from getting into a relationship with a woman; instead it is to let you know how important knowing how to attract women really is.
Part of maintaining a good relationship is to know how to keep the attraction levels high enough and the ability to be willing to end the relationship rather than do something you don't want.
If you already knew how to attract women before getting into the relationship even though your skills might get rusty.
Maintaining the attraction level and having the confidence in knowing that if you must end it you can and still attract women; allows you to take the steps you have to take in order to keep the relationship going strong or end it if necessary.
However, if you enter the relationship simply feeling lucky that you got her or no real idea how you attracted her.
You will not know how to maintain the attraction level and might not be willing to end it instead simply doing what she wants in the hopes that it somehow works out.
When the time comes for you to begin the process of finding another woman you are much more likely to continue trying to get the woman you already knew you were lucky to have in the first place.
Not only does this not work at attracting women it does more to push the woman you were lucky to have further away from you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
This isn't meant to discourage you from getting into a relationship with a woman; instead it is to let you know how important knowing how to attract women really is.
Part of maintaining a good relationship is to know how to keep the attraction levels high enough and the ability to be willing to end the relationship rather than do something you don't want.
If you already knew how to attract women before getting into the relationship even though your skills might get rusty.
Maintaining the attraction level and having the confidence in knowing that if you must end it you can and still attract women; allows you to take the steps you have to take in order to keep the relationship going strong or end it if necessary.
However, if you enter the relationship simply feeling lucky that you got her or no real idea how you attracted her.
You will not know how to maintain the attraction level and might not be willing to end it instead simply doing what she wants in the hopes that it somehow works out.
When the time comes for you to begin the process of finding another woman you are much more likely to continue trying to get the woman you already knew you were lucky to have in the first place.
Not only does this not work at attracting women it does more to push the woman you were lucky to have further away from you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Did You Know That You Can Make A Man Desire You So Much That He Craves You?
We women are very good at making ourselves desirable in the beginning of a relationship but really bad at keeping the attraction after the initial “oh-wow!” wears off and the man you’ve been dating for weeks or months starts to lose interest. How do you make sure that doesn’t happen with your new catch?
Before I get to that, let’s be clear on why most men lose interest in a woman after only a few dates. There are several different reasons for each man and woman (intellectual, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, social etc.) but it all comes down to ONE thing and that is, his PERCEPTION of what it’ll be like if he continued to date you.
So how to you make sure his perception of you continues to make him want to date you? How do you keep him interested in you? How do you make him want you more than any other woman? How do you make him stay faithful to you?
The most common advice out there is that to make him desire you more, don't call him or pretend to be busy or dangle sex in front of him but withhold it when he comes for it. The problem with this kind of advice is that you can’t create a relationship that is going to have enough depth by maneuvering people around their better judgment. There is eventually a negative backlash and you may find out that you’ve wasted so much time and energy on a man' who is not worth it or one who is simply not into you!
There is nothing wrong with “playing hard to get” if it means creating enough mystery and sexual tension that makes a man feel good about himself, his initial perception of you and his feelings about the future of the relationship.
Let me explain a little bit about "sexual tension" in this particular regard. The extremely distorted misconception in our society is that the “sexual” is only limited to sex and therefore the mention of “sexual tension” immediately conjures images of actions and behaviours immediately leading to sexual intercourse- bathing and applying fragrance, putting on your sexiest clothes, rubbing his feet or nibbling his ear, or giving him any other nonverbal signals that suggest that you want and are ready for sexual intercourse. These actions and behaviours may and can get you “sex” but they do not necessarily make a man sexually attracted to you.
Regardless of terminology and explanations, sexual attraction is distinct from, but always includes physical characteristics (physical state of the body and body-language fluency), mental characteristics (thought process, beliefs and attitudes), emotional characteristics (moods and attachment patterns), social characteristics (interpersonal skills and ability to get along) and spiritual characteristics (sense of self and connection to the a higher power). It is in that sense wholistic in nature and sometimes a complex situation.
Your man -- like most men -- was initially drawn to an intimate relationship with you (more than friends) because he perceived you to be sexually attractive. He may have liked “other” things about you but the sexual attraction provided that extra oomph that moved him to take the necessary steps to pursue you. Sexual attraction is a kind of a regenerating energy that makes men (and women) quiver with sensation and anticipation (pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweating palms, weak knees, euphoria and so forth). Alone, it can not evolve into a lasting relationship but without it, the relationship lacks fire and passion to sustain the relationship in a fulfilling way.
If you want to keep your man interested in you and make him want you more than any other woman you must not only make sure that his initial perception of you remains but that it is confirmed again and again. Even better, make sure that it exceed his initial perception and keep making it better by the minute.
To be able to do that you have to be very clear on what his own very SEXUAL IMPRINT is. Each man is unique and has a particular combination of things (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social, etc. that make his inner clock tick. That is what you have to figure out and work with. No flirting skills or seduction techniques or even silly dating rules will work if you are missing what TRULY appeals to his very OWN SEXUAL IMPRINT.
Physically
The biggest mistake men and women make is assume that one size fits-all and all men are attracted to the SAME women’s features. I’ve seen women so pre-occupied with their busts: lifting them, thrusting them forward and pulling the neckline down and all the while the man she is with is checking out the woman in a mini-skirt standing over there and she's not even looking his direction. I've also met women who are really angry because they spent thousands of dollars trying lose weight and be more attractive to their guys only for them to find out that their men are cheating on them with women nowhere as skinny or the men leave the relationship to pursue the "not skinny" woman. Knowing what his natural inclinations are allows you to focus specifically on accentuating and emphasizing particular physical aspects for the greatest appeal.
Mentally
Mental stimulation has very little to do how high you score on an IQ test or how many academic degrees you have. It is possible for a man or woman to be fantastically “brainy” and not be someone you can have a stimulating “intellectual” conversation with. Another word for that is boring. To be intellectually attractive to your man you must not only become somewhat knowledgeable and be able to follow him with curiosity, interest, and intelligence into the world that he finds interesting and mentally stimulating but also capable of leading him into your own world in an interesting and stimulating way. This intellectual and mutual exchange of worlds ensures an easy and continual flow of mental attraction back and forth.
Emotionally
The field of emotional attraction is still relatively new and many of us in modern societies are just beginning to learn the healthiest ways of dealing with emotions. However, that doesn’t change the fact that our human psyche has been pre-programmed to be uniquely sensitive to the intensity, smoothness, regularity, and rhythm of human emotions, and whether we gain or lose energy from being around a particular person. It is not possible to scientifically measure how much energy we gain or lose from being around a particular person, but for whatever reason, some people are easy to be around and some aren’t. By taking time to really zero on the common “mood of life” that the two of you share, you are more likely to be able to make him feel that you are special and believe with great certainty that you bring enjoyment, excitement, arousal, intimacy, nurturance, or some reward related to personal expansion into his life.
Spiritually
This is probably the most neglected aspect of sexual attraction. Spirituality and sexuality are inseparable and meant to go together. When spirituality is ignored, sexuality is suppressed, unhealthy and perverted and when sexuality is denied, spirituality is misused, damaging and confining. But when spirituality and sexuality are nurtured as inseparable, we experience “heaven on earth. Integrating spirituality and sexuality into your sense of self makes you more relaxed - free spirited, open minded, present within the now moment, connected with your environment - a state which allows sexual energy to flow through your mind and body creating an intense “aura” of effortless sex appeal. You don't even have to learn any techniques on flirting or seduction because everything you do is so damn sexy without you even intending to make it sexy.
With a little more understanding of how SEXUAL IMPRINTS operate (there is more) and more practice using them, you can make a man desire and crave you so much that he’s stuck on you - after all you’re basically the only woman who has his “number” and can punch it anywhere anytime.
There is nothing you can do to make a man "love you", he has to come to that place on his own, but you can certainly make him feel good about his initial perception of you and what it’ll be like if he continued to date you. The more "positive" he feels, the faster he moves towards that place of "love".
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
Before I get to that, let’s be clear on why most men lose interest in a woman after only a few dates. There are several different reasons for each man and woman (intellectual, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, social etc.) but it all comes down to ONE thing and that is, his PERCEPTION of what it’ll be like if he continued to date you.
So how to you make sure his perception of you continues to make him want to date you? How do you keep him interested in you? How do you make him want you more than any other woman? How do you make him stay faithful to you?
The most common advice out there is that to make him desire you more, don't call him or pretend to be busy or dangle sex in front of him but withhold it when he comes for it. The problem with this kind of advice is that you can’t create a relationship that is going to have enough depth by maneuvering people around their better judgment. There is eventually a negative backlash and you may find out that you’ve wasted so much time and energy on a man' who is not worth it or one who is simply not into you!
There is nothing wrong with “playing hard to get” if it means creating enough mystery and sexual tension that makes a man feel good about himself, his initial perception of you and his feelings about the future of the relationship.
Let me explain a little bit about "sexual tension" in this particular regard. The extremely distorted misconception in our society is that the “sexual” is only limited to sex and therefore the mention of “sexual tension” immediately conjures images of actions and behaviours immediately leading to sexual intercourse- bathing and applying fragrance, putting on your sexiest clothes, rubbing his feet or nibbling his ear, or giving him any other nonverbal signals that suggest that you want and are ready for sexual intercourse. These actions and behaviours may and can get you “sex” but they do not necessarily make a man sexually attracted to you.
Regardless of terminology and explanations, sexual attraction is distinct from, but always includes physical characteristics (physical state of the body and body-language fluency), mental characteristics (thought process, beliefs and attitudes), emotional characteristics (moods and attachment patterns), social characteristics (interpersonal skills and ability to get along) and spiritual characteristics (sense of self and connection to the a higher power). It is in that sense wholistic in nature and sometimes a complex situation.
Your man -- like most men -- was initially drawn to an intimate relationship with you (more than friends) because he perceived you to be sexually attractive. He may have liked “other” things about you but the sexual attraction provided that extra oomph that moved him to take the necessary steps to pursue you. Sexual attraction is a kind of a regenerating energy that makes men (and women) quiver with sensation and anticipation (pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweating palms, weak knees, euphoria and so forth). Alone, it can not evolve into a lasting relationship but without it, the relationship lacks fire and passion to sustain the relationship in a fulfilling way.
If you want to keep your man interested in you and make him want you more than any other woman you must not only make sure that his initial perception of you remains but that it is confirmed again and again. Even better, make sure that it exceed his initial perception and keep making it better by the minute.
To be able to do that you have to be very clear on what his own very SEXUAL IMPRINT is. Each man is unique and has a particular combination of things (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social, etc. that make his inner clock tick. That is what you have to figure out and work with. No flirting skills or seduction techniques or even silly dating rules will work if you are missing what TRULY appeals to his very OWN SEXUAL IMPRINT.
Physically
The biggest mistake men and women make is assume that one size fits-all and all men are attracted to the SAME women’s features. I’ve seen women so pre-occupied with their busts: lifting them, thrusting them forward and pulling the neckline down and all the while the man she is with is checking out the woman in a mini-skirt standing over there and she's not even looking his direction. I've also met women who are really angry because they spent thousands of dollars trying lose weight and be more attractive to their guys only for them to find out that their men are cheating on them with women nowhere as skinny or the men leave the relationship to pursue the "not skinny" woman. Knowing what his natural inclinations are allows you to focus specifically on accentuating and emphasizing particular physical aspects for the greatest appeal.
Mentally
Mental stimulation has very little to do how high you score on an IQ test or how many academic degrees you have. It is possible for a man or woman to be fantastically “brainy” and not be someone you can have a stimulating “intellectual” conversation with. Another word for that is boring. To be intellectually attractive to your man you must not only become somewhat knowledgeable and be able to follow him with curiosity, interest, and intelligence into the world that he finds interesting and mentally stimulating but also capable of leading him into your own world in an interesting and stimulating way. This intellectual and mutual exchange of worlds ensures an easy and continual flow of mental attraction back and forth.
Emotionally
The field of emotional attraction is still relatively new and many of us in modern societies are just beginning to learn the healthiest ways of dealing with emotions. However, that doesn’t change the fact that our human psyche has been pre-programmed to be uniquely sensitive to the intensity, smoothness, regularity, and rhythm of human emotions, and whether we gain or lose energy from being around a particular person. It is not possible to scientifically measure how much energy we gain or lose from being around a particular person, but for whatever reason, some people are easy to be around and some aren’t. By taking time to really zero on the common “mood of life” that the two of you share, you are more likely to be able to make him feel that you are special and believe with great certainty that you bring enjoyment, excitement, arousal, intimacy, nurturance, or some reward related to personal expansion into his life.
Spiritually
This is probably the most neglected aspect of sexual attraction. Spirituality and sexuality are inseparable and meant to go together. When spirituality is ignored, sexuality is suppressed, unhealthy and perverted and when sexuality is denied, spirituality is misused, damaging and confining. But when spirituality and sexuality are nurtured as inseparable, we experience “heaven on earth. Integrating spirituality and sexuality into your sense of self makes you more relaxed - free spirited, open minded, present within the now moment, connected with your environment - a state which allows sexual energy to flow through your mind and body creating an intense “aura” of effortless sex appeal. You don't even have to learn any techniques on flirting or seduction because everything you do is so damn sexy without you even intending to make it sexy.
With a little more understanding of how SEXUAL IMPRINTS operate (there is more) and more practice using them, you can make a man desire and crave you so much that he’s stuck on you - after all you’re basically the only woman who has his “number” and can punch it anywhere anytime.
There is nothing you can do to make a man "love you", he has to come to that place on his own, but you can certainly make him feel good about his initial perception of you and what it’ll be like if he continued to date you. The more "positive" he feels, the faster he moves towards that place of "love".
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
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