Why Second Marriages Are More Likely to Fail - Second Marriage Pitfall #4
By Richard Nicastro
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Right? The same age-old wisdom that encourages so many of us to get back on our bikes (or horses or surfboards) over and over again in search of perfection should work like a charm when it comes to marriage, too. Shouldn’t it? Yet many people are surprised to find out that second marriages are more likely to end in divorce. Irving, a fifty-four-year old real estate broker from Austin, Texas said, “You’d think the second time around would be easier, that I’d be better prepared. Being divorced once was hard enough. I never thought it would happen all over again.”
When first marriages fail, many people feel that time, precious time, has been wasted and an opportunity for ever-lasting happiness has been lost. After all, wasn’t the desire for happiness why you decided to marry in the first place?
Understandably, the painful experience of divorce can change your attitude about marriage. It changed Irving’s. The ten years he dedicated to his first marriage now felt like years that could never be reclaimed. His altered mindset negatively shaped his second marriage: “It happened once and it could happen again. I’m not going to waste another ten years waiting to find out this time.”
Since his first divorce, Irving became overly aware of his age and the passage of time. While his second marriage proceeded smoothly, time wasn’t an issue. He enjoyed the worry-free days with his new wife and felt stable, secure and relaxed. But when he and his partner fought (like all couples do), his perspective shifted dramatically. Each argument left him wondering about the number of “good years” he’d have left to meet a new companion. He’d think, “I’d rather end it now and begin looking for someone else sooner rather than later. Why wait until I’m sixty-five?”
Irving struggled with a mindset many people bring to their second marriages:
Pitfall #4: “Are you the one? I need to know before it’s too late!”
Despite that pressured attitude, Irving entered his second marriage determined to make it work. Unfortunately, he also entered his second marriage with a focus on an escape-hatch he had ready and waiting—after all, the clock was ticking. This mindset had a powerful effect and decreased his level of commitment, especially when he and his second wife encountered the usual bumps in the road.
Look for and challenge this mindset
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does the following statement resonate for you?: “I’m not going to waste time the second time around to find out this isn’t working.”
What are the benefits of such a mindset? What are the pitfalls?
When is this mindset most prominent in your second (or third) marriage?
What impact does this have on your level of commitment? On your ability to work out differences with your spouse?
As with overcoming any potentially destructive attitude, awareness is key. A little self-examination can go a long way in helping you overcome the pitfalls of the “hurry up and fail, or hurry up and succeed” trap.
Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?
Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
How To Know If He's The One For You
How To Know If He's The One For You
By Lucy Doyle
Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?
Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question. If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.
Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:
Religion
The way to bring up children
Whether or not he even wants children
Does he believe in marriage
How he handles money
What are his long term goals
And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.
You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.
It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.
To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review
By Lucy Doyle
Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?
Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question. If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.
Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:
Religion
The way to bring up children
Whether or not he even wants children
Does he believe in marriage
How he handles money
What are his long term goals
And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.
You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.
It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.
To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
How To Get Your Ex Back - 8 Great Tips
How To Get Your Ex Back - 8 Great Tips
By Ron Weber
If you are wondering how to get your ex back now that you have broken up, than let me tell you - in most cases it is doable. But the problem is that most people are doing it wrong. In fact, in many cases you will be driving your ex even further from you and not back to you!
This doesn't have to be that way. You simply need to learn how to get your ex back. It is possible, and involves doing certain things and avoiding other things.
First, let's talk about the thing you should not do. Simply avoid doing these, no matter what:
1. Chasing you ex. This is a big no-no. If you chase her or him with phone calls, emails, sending your friends as messengers and any other tricks, the only thing that will happen is that your ex start hating or fearing you. This leaves no chance of comeback what so ever.
2. Stalking your ex - again, a big no-no. If you will try to force them to see you by ambushing her or him you will only make things worse. People will start calling you "a stalker" and you will find it hard to make new friends this way.
3. Being depressed - If you let yourself slide into depression, other areas of your life will suffer. Some people even lost their job because their relationship came to an end. Don't let this happen to you.
4. Avoiding social life - If you will become a hermit as a result of a break up, that again you will only be punishing yourself. There is a big world out there, and you can find love. Be that your ex or another person.
So, what should you do? If you really want to start seeing how to get your ex back, try practicing the next 4 ways of action.
1. Create more value for yourself - When your ex left you, in many cases it was because she did not value you and your relationship high enough to stay. Therefore, your job is to create more value for yourself. For example, if you're a man, you can build more value by her hearing about you meeting other women.
2. Stay in touch - though it may hurt, stay in touch with your ex. This can be with email or sms, if you are not comfortable talking. When you do that, you remain her or him of the good times you had together and you also signal that there is a way back.
3. Do a make over - in many cases, being in a relationship for more than a year makes you less groomed. If you feel you've been neglecting yourself lately, start going to the gym and buy new and cool clothes. This will make you feel better about yourself and you will resonate that feeling to your surroundings. Your ex will feel that too.
4. Let her or him seek you out - Don't chase your ex around. Let them come to you. Doing all the things we just talked about will help you regain your confidence and your ex will feel that. Confident people attract other people, and your ex will be attracted to you again.
How to get your ex back is not rocket science. It's a simple process that will work if you apply it. If you and your ex belong together, than you will get back together eventually.
Ron Weber is a dating expert. You can find his experiences posted at the how to get your ex back blog. Just follow along as he posts his thoughts about the subject, and learn how to apply them to your life.
By Ron Weber
If you are wondering how to get your ex back now that you have broken up, than let me tell you - in most cases it is doable. But the problem is that most people are doing it wrong. In fact, in many cases you will be driving your ex even further from you and not back to you!
This doesn't have to be that way. You simply need to learn how to get your ex back. It is possible, and involves doing certain things and avoiding other things.
First, let's talk about the thing you should not do. Simply avoid doing these, no matter what:
1. Chasing you ex. This is a big no-no. If you chase her or him with phone calls, emails, sending your friends as messengers and any other tricks, the only thing that will happen is that your ex start hating or fearing you. This leaves no chance of comeback what so ever.
2. Stalking your ex - again, a big no-no. If you will try to force them to see you by ambushing her or him you will only make things worse. People will start calling you "a stalker" and you will find it hard to make new friends this way.
3. Being depressed - If you let yourself slide into depression, other areas of your life will suffer. Some people even lost their job because their relationship came to an end. Don't let this happen to you.
4. Avoiding social life - If you will become a hermit as a result of a break up, that again you will only be punishing yourself. There is a big world out there, and you can find love. Be that your ex or another person.
So, what should you do? If you really want to start seeing how to get your ex back, try practicing the next 4 ways of action.
1. Create more value for yourself - When your ex left you, in many cases it was because she did not value you and your relationship high enough to stay. Therefore, your job is to create more value for yourself. For example, if you're a man, you can build more value by her hearing about you meeting other women.
2. Stay in touch - though it may hurt, stay in touch with your ex. This can be with email or sms, if you are not comfortable talking. When you do that, you remain her or him of the good times you had together and you also signal that there is a way back.
3. Do a make over - in many cases, being in a relationship for more than a year makes you less groomed. If you feel you've been neglecting yourself lately, start going to the gym and buy new and cool clothes. This will make you feel better about yourself and you will resonate that feeling to your surroundings. Your ex will feel that too.
4. Let her or him seek you out - Don't chase your ex around. Let them come to you. Doing all the things we just talked about will help you regain your confidence and your ex will feel that. Confident people attract other people, and your ex will be attracted to you again.
How to get your ex back is not rocket science. It's a simple process that will work if you apply it. If you and your ex belong together, than you will get back together eventually.
Ron Weber is a dating expert. You can find his experiences posted at the how to get your ex back blog. Just follow along as he posts his thoughts about the subject, and learn how to apply them to your life.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Why Do Women Forgive And Stay?
Why Do Women Forgive And Stay?
By Debbie Ford
Women are emotionally and psychologically hardwired to forgive when they believe that somebody has true remorse for their bad behaviors and the “dirty deeds” that they’ve committed. Political wives often have much more at stake than most. Spouses, like Senator David Vitter’s wife, are usually highly educated and bright women who realize that everyone has human shortcomings and impulses that sometimes drive us to make bad choices and sabotage the good things in our lives. Smart women weigh the facts, measuring what they gain from the relationship versus all that they have to lose. Even if the situation has been publicly humiliating and emotionally devastating, like their husbands, they are serving a greater agenda which has them make strategic decisions instead of emotional choices.
There is so much more to these marriages than we can see or know about simply by looking through the lens of the media. Most women who choose to forgive and stay in their marriages have children. They’re really the ones that have the family values. “Till death do us part” is a vow taken very seriously for many of them. They are the ones with the integrity and the commitment. These qualities and traits are probably why their husbands chose them in the first place.
Most women carry a very strong vision for what is possible for the big future that they can create together as a couple and a family. Look at Hillary Clinton. She’s making her husband work for her day and night. She could have left, but she stayed. She clearly had a vision. That kind of vision, along with the hope and the faith in their husbands (as well as a dose of denial), drives many women to deal with and handle whatever crises come up in their marriage. Whether that vision can carry the couple through turbulent times or whether it descends into a false fantasy of “happily ever after” is the question. During these painful crossroads, people often have a spiritual opening or awakening. The shame and humiliation that they’re confronted with has them crack open, so to speak. It is at the times when we are exposed that we are forced to face some of our greatest fears and discover our resilience and capacity to survive and ultimately transcend that which we feared would destroy us. Thus the adage, “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” These experiences of betrayal and pain often become defining moments: Which road will they choose? After their partners have cheated on them, sometimes women have the most intimate conversations they have ever had, and truth and honesty clear the way for a new beginning.
And of course, women staying in dishonest and dysfunctional relationships can have nothing to do with forgiveness: they stay because they’re scared to leave, whether their fears have to do with money, social status, or emotional fragility. They simply join in the deceit, go into denial, and stay because it’s the easiest choice.
As a side note, in working with thousands of people from all over the world, for me the kind of sex scandal we’re seeing with Senator Vitter isn’t shocking or surprising. I see again and again that when someone is so committed to and righteous about a particular issue, they’re often driven by their shadow, the disowned or rejected parts of their own humanity. In this example, Senator Vitter developed his political platform in part on the sanctity of marriage and his very human dark side popped up and violated that very position. Another example is Jesse Jackson, standing for family and strong Christian values and then having affairs and a child out of wedlock.
By Debbie Ford, #1 New York Times best-selling author of five books, including Spiritual Divorce; The Dark Side of the Light Chasers; and The Best Year of Your Life. For more information on Debbie’s Spiritual Divorce Coaches, Spiritual Divorce Audio Course, and more, visit http://www.debbieford.com
By Debbie Ford
Women are emotionally and psychologically hardwired to forgive when they believe that somebody has true remorse for their bad behaviors and the “dirty deeds” that they’ve committed. Political wives often have much more at stake than most. Spouses, like Senator David Vitter’s wife, are usually highly educated and bright women who realize that everyone has human shortcomings and impulses that sometimes drive us to make bad choices and sabotage the good things in our lives. Smart women weigh the facts, measuring what they gain from the relationship versus all that they have to lose. Even if the situation has been publicly humiliating and emotionally devastating, like their husbands, they are serving a greater agenda which has them make strategic decisions instead of emotional choices.
There is so much more to these marriages than we can see or know about simply by looking through the lens of the media. Most women who choose to forgive and stay in their marriages have children. They’re really the ones that have the family values. “Till death do us part” is a vow taken very seriously for many of them. They are the ones with the integrity and the commitment. These qualities and traits are probably why their husbands chose them in the first place.
Most women carry a very strong vision for what is possible for the big future that they can create together as a couple and a family. Look at Hillary Clinton. She’s making her husband work for her day and night. She could have left, but she stayed. She clearly had a vision. That kind of vision, along with the hope and the faith in their husbands (as well as a dose of denial), drives many women to deal with and handle whatever crises come up in their marriage. Whether that vision can carry the couple through turbulent times or whether it descends into a false fantasy of “happily ever after” is the question. During these painful crossroads, people often have a spiritual opening or awakening. The shame and humiliation that they’re confronted with has them crack open, so to speak. It is at the times when we are exposed that we are forced to face some of our greatest fears and discover our resilience and capacity to survive and ultimately transcend that which we feared would destroy us. Thus the adage, “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” These experiences of betrayal and pain often become defining moments: Which road will they choose? After their partners have cheated on them, sometimes women have the most intimate conversations they have ever had, and truth and honesty clear the way for a new beginning.
And of course, women staying in dishonest and dysfunctional relationships can have nothing to do with forgiveness: they stay because they’re scared to leave, whether their fears have to do with money, social status, or emotional fragility. They simply join in the deceit, go into denial, and stay because it’s the easiest choice.
As a side note, in working with thousands of people from all over the world, for me the kind of sex scandal we’re seeing with Senator Vitter isn’t shocking or surprising. I see again and again that when someone is so committed to and righteous about a particular issue, they’re often driven by their shadow, the disowned or rejected parts of their own humanity. In this example, Senator Vitter developed his political platform in part on the sanctity of marriage and his very human dark side popped up and violated that very position. Another example is Jesse Jackson, standing for family and strong Christian values and then having affairs and a child out of wedlock.
By Debbie Ford, #1 New York Times best-selling author of five books, including Spiritual Divorce; The Dark Side of the Light Chasers; and The Best Year of Your Life. For more information on Debbie’s Spiritual Divorce Coaches, Spiritual Divorce Audio Course, and more, visit http://www.debbieford.com
Become the Mate You Desire
Become the Mate You Desire
By Carmin Wharton
When seeking a mate, a critical step is to focus on the person on the inside first then consider the potential mate’s outside appearance. I read something recently, which reminded me of another critical step in realizing the relationship of your dreams. First, let me interject this, the principle I am about to share with you today can be applied to any relationship. This includes your relationship with your parents, kids, friends, and co-workers – every relationship imaginable. But for our purposes, we are going to focus on romantic relationships.
Here it is. Whatever you desire in a mate, to attract that person with those traits, you must become yourself. This is definitely easier said than done.
If you desire a mate who is kind, gentle and compassionate, then you need to become kind, gentle and compassionate. Very often we tend to be more congenial to co-workers and friends than we are to family – the people we live with or see often – our families. This includes your parents, siblings, kids or other relatives. We pretty much realize that these folk cannot divorce us and unless we’ve committed some horrific crime, they probably won’t cast us out of their lives. So, we tend to not be as kind, gentle and compassionate toward them as we are to others who are not kin to us – tied eternally to us through blood relations. But, to attract the kind, gentle and compassionate mate we desire, we need to exhibit these qualities in every relationship we are involved in.
If you desire a mate who is financially secure, then you must make sure your financial house is in order. If you have past due bills, make every effort to catch them up or work out a payment plan with your creditors. If your savings account is nil, think of ways you can save more money or increase your income and began to save and invest.
If you desire a mate who is physically fit, then you must become physically fit. If you are not in good shape, commit today to an exercise and eating regimen to get in shape. Heck, you may even meet the love of your life at the gym while you are working out or at the park while you are walking. You just never know.
If you want a relationship with someone who has class and dignity and knows how to carry him or herself then make sure you are a class act. Are you refined and do you act appropriately in all situations?
If you desire a relationship with a spiritual person who knows God and acts like it, are you really spiritual or are you just going through the motions? Are you in church every Sunday and have absolutely no connection to the Spirit? Can you honestly say that you have grown spiritually or in your faith walk to the point that you trust God emphatically?
If you want a relationship in which the person will not cheat or lie, can you honestly say you don’t cheat or lie? I’m not speaking of infidelity per se. Do you fudge a bit and cheat at work, i.e. arrive 10 minutes late every day and make sure you are out the door 10 minutes early? If you received more change back that was due you from a purchase did you bring it to the attention of the clerk? Do you lie to yourself about things?
If you want someone who is dependable, can you be depended on? Can you depend on yourself? Do you make promises to yourself that you do not keep? Can others depend on you or do you make excuses when you don’t follow through on something you’ve promised to another?
What is that I hear you saying? Oh, you are already everything you desire in a mate. Then what’s the problem? The problem is in your expectation. Have you been in so many unfit relationships that you are expecting the worst? Ahh hah. Well, you will also attract what you expect. Expect that all men are liars and cheats and that is the type of man you will continue to attract. Every guy you attract will be a part of the canine family fit for the Humane Society. Expect that all women are after your money and can’t be trusted and that’s exactly the type of woman you will continue to attract. She’ll always be asking as Janet Jackson says, “What have you done for me lately?”
Finally, your self-worth and self-esteem must be at the level where you know you deserve the best and then you must have the courage to do one of two things: wait with peace and expectation (being sure not to put your life on hold) or if you are in a relationship not worthy of you, get out.
Are you already the type of person you are seeking a relationship with? Yes? Great – you are on your way to a satisfying relationship! No? Why are you still sitting? Get up and get busy becoming who you know you are looking for.
In Chapter 2 of my book, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces I suggest that an individual seeking a mate sit down and write down every single physical attribute they desire in a mate, then set that list aside. Now, sit down and write another list of everything you desire in a mate's character. The reason: by writing out the first list, you get what you should not be focusing on out of the way. Now you can focus on what does matter - what your ideal mate should be like on the inside.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, e-zine or blog. However, the byline below must be included in its entirety.
Copyright Carmin Wharton, 2007
Author, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces
http://www.carminwharton.com
http://blog.carminwharton.com
By Carmin Wharton
When seeking a mate, a critical step is to focus on the person on the inside first then consider the potential mate’s outside appearance. I read something recently, which reminded me of another critical step in realizing the relationship of your dreams. First, let me interject this, the principle I am about to share with you today can be applied to any relationship. This includes your relationship with your parents, kids, friends, and co-workers – every relationship imaginable. But for our purposes, we are going to focus on romantic relationships.
Here it is. Whatever you desire in a mate, to attract that person with those traits, you must become yourself. This is definitely easier said than done.
If you desire a mate who is kind, gentle and compassionate, then you need to become kind, gentle and compassionate. Very often we tend to be more congenial to co-workers and friends than we are to family – the people we live with or see often – our families. This includes your parents, siblings, kids or other relatives. We pretty much realize that these folk cannot divorce us and unless we’ve committed some horrific crime, they probably won’t cast us out of their lives. So, we tend to not be as kind, gentle and compassionate toward them as we are to others who are not kin to us – tied eternally to us through blood relations. But, to attract the kind, gentle and compassionate mate we desire, we need to exhibit these qualities in every relationship we are involved in.
If you desire a mate who is financially secure, then you must make sure your financial house is in order. If you have past due bills, make every effort to catch them up or work out a payment plan with your creditors. If your savings account is nil, think of ways you can save more money or increase your income and began to save and invest.
If you desire a mate who is physically fit, then you must become physically fit. If you are not in good shape, commit today to an exercise and eating regimen to get in shape. Heck, you may even meet the love of your life at the gym while you are working out or at the park while you are walking. You just never know.
If you want a relationship with someone who has class and dignity and knows how to carry him or herself then make sure you are a class act. Are you refined and do you act appropriately in all situations?
If you desire a relationship with a spiritual person who knows God and acts like it, are you really spiritual or are you just going through the motions? Are you in church every Sunday and have absolutely no connection to the Spirit? Can you honestly say that you have grown spiritually or in your faith walk to the point that you trust God emphatically?
If you want a relationship in which the person will not cheat or lie, can you honestly say you don’t cheat or lie? I’m not speaking of infidelity per se. Do you fudge a bit and cheat at work, i.e. arrive 10 minutes late every day and make sure you are out the door 10 minutes early? If you received more change back that was due you from a purchase did you bring it to the attention of the clerk? Do you lie to yourself about things?
If you want someone who is dependable, can you be depended on? Can you depend on yourself? Do you make promises to yourself that you do not keep? Can others depend on you or do you make excuses when you don’t follow through on something you’ve promised to another?
What is that I hear you saying? Oh, you are already everything you desire in a mate. Then what’s the problem? The problem is in your expectation. Have you been in so many unfit relationships that you are expecting the worst? Ahh hah. Well, you will also attract what you expect. Expect that all men are liars and cheats and that is the type of man you will continue to attract. Every guy you attract will be a part of the canine family fit for the Humane Society. Expect that all women are after your money and can’t be trusted and that’s exactly the type of woman you will continue to attract. She’ll always be asking as Janet Jackson says, “What have you done for me lately?”
Finally, your self-worth and self-esteem must be at the level where you know you deserve the best and then you must have the courage to do one of two things: wait with peace and expectation (being sure not to put your life on hold) or if you are in a relationship not worthy of you, get out.
Are you already the type of person you are seeking a relationship with? Yes? Great – you are on your way to a satisfying relationship! No? Why are you still sitting? Get up and get busy becoming who you know you are looking for.
In Chapter 2 of my book, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces I suggest that an individual seeking a mate sit down and write down every single physical attribute they desire in a mate, then set that list aside. Now, sit down and write another list of everything you desire in a mate's character. The reason: by writing out the first list, you get what you should not be focusing on out of the way. Now you can focus on what does matter - what your ideal mate should be like on the inside.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, e-zine or blog. However, the byline below must be included in its entirety.
Copyright Carmin Wharton, 2007
Author, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces
http://www.carminwharton.com
http://blog.carminwharton.com
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Redesigning your Life after Divorce
Redesigning Your Life After Divorce
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Annie_O'Neill]Annie O'Neill
It is tough when a long-term marriage breaks up but harbouring feelings of bitterness does not serve you well. These negative feelings prolong the agony and hold you back from rebuilding your life. Instead, why not redesign your life?Remember that it will take time to ‘get over’ your partner leaving but also believe that you will recover.
The Road to Recovery
Work through the negative emotions – it is natural to be angry at first. It is almost a grieving process, although your partner might not be dead he/she has gone and it will take time to adjust. However, don’t hang on to those feelings of anger and bitterness – let them go. Jane says: “Once I had got over the shock of him leaving I gained a new lease of life. At first I was resentful that he had left me and I began to think that I had wasted thirty years of my life with my ‘traitorous’ husband. Fortunately, my divorce coach asked me to list the good things about my marriage and once I had the list I realised that they had not been wasted years.
My marriage had given me two wonderful children, we had travelled extensively, and we had made some great friends, several of who supported me through the darkest days of the divorce. I slowly took up new hobbies and through them met new people. I suddenly realised after three years that I was doing what I wanted to do and that I was happier than I had been when I was married”.
Let your friends support you. Chris says “Don’t be shy about relying on friends – good friends don’t mind”. Diane agrees, she says she could not have got through without her friends. In fact both lived with friends after the break up of their marriages. Diane says that she realised that on the whole “people are very generous and kind”
Make the divorce process as painless as possible. Try to pick a lawyer who offers a mediation service and collaborative divorce. It is important to keep the communication channels open.
Sonia says that she found it hard to adjust to being single but she kept a journal of her feelings and found that this helped. She was scared of being on her own at first but she worked through the fear, she started meeting new people and, after about three years, she began dating again.
Other people take longer to start dating again. I recently met a lady who had been divorced for eight years and was only just starting to feel comfortable with the idea of dating.
The most important thing about redesigning your life is that you are happy with yourself, that you like yourself and the life you have made. This is why negative emotions can hold you back.
Many people find that divorce makes them stronger. They are no longer prepared to tolerate things that they don’t like. If you are happy with yourself you don’t need to tolerate anyone because emotionally you are self-sufficient.
Make time to really decide what you do and don’t want and then plan the steps you need to take to redesign your life.
The biggest challenge is deciding what you do want. So many people don’t know, maybe you haven’t even thought about it?
Steps to redesigning your life
Set aside a couple of hours, go somewhere you won’t be disturbed and think about what you want your life to be like. Write down all the things you would like to be, do and have. Write everything down, however crazy it may seem.
· What did you used to enjoy before you were married?
· Did you sacrifice any dreams, ambitions or hobbies during your marriage?
· Imagine that you are 90 years old, looking back over your life – what memories would you like to have?
· What would you like people to be saying about you?
Now think about what steps you could take towards achieving your perfect life. Don’t think that it’s hopeless and you can’t change anything; think about what is stopping you from being, doing and having what you want.
By making small changes, going one step at a time and trying different things you can change your life.
Five secrets to creating a life you love
1. Know what you want.
2. Be willing to take action.
3. Believe that there is no failure, only feedback.
4. Be willing to try different things - if what you are doing isn’t working then do something different.
5. Be positive and believe that you can create a life you love.
I am a qualified Divorce Coach. I have been divorced and widowed. I understand the emotions associated with being on your own after being in a long-term relationship. I have had to reinvent my life on two occasions and am proof that it can be done. I am now self-employed, with a job that I love. I am also married again, very happily.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Annie_O'Neill http://EzineArticles.com/?Redesigning-Your-Life-After-Divorce&id=678413
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Annie_O'Neill]Annie O'Neill
It is tough when a long-term marriage breaks up but harbouring feelings of bitterness does not serve you well. These negative feelings prolong the agony and hold you back from rebuilding your life. Instead, why not redesign your life?Remember that it will take time to ‘get over’ your partner leaving but also believe that you will recover.
The Road to Recovery
Work through the negative emotions – it is natural to be angry at first. It is almost a grieving process, although your partner might not be dead he/she has gone and it will take time to adjust. However, don’t hang on to those feelings of anger and bitterness – let them go. Jane says: “Once I had got over the shock of him leaving I gained a new lease of life. At first I was resentful that he had left me and I began to think that I had wasted thirty years of my life with my ‘traitorous’ husband. Fortunately, my divorce coach asked me to list the good things about my marriage and once I had the list I realised that they had not been wasted years.
My marriage had given me two wonderful children, we had travelled extensively, and we had made some great friends, several of who supported me through the darkest days of the divorce. I slowly took up new hobbies and through them met new people. I suddenly realised after three years that I was doing what I wanted to do and that I was happier than I had been when I was married”.
Let your friends support you. Chris says “Don’t be shy about relying on friends – good friends don’t mind”. Diane agrees, she says she could not have got through without her friends. In fact both lived with friends after the break up of their marriages. Diane says that she realised that on the whole “people are very generous and kind”
Make the divorce process as painless as possible. Try to pick a lawyer who offers a mediation service and collaborative divorce. It is important to keep the communication channels open.
Sonia says that she found it hard to adjust to being single but she kept a journal of her feelings and found that this helped. She was scared of being on her own at first but she worked through the fear, she started meeting new people and, after about three years, she began dating again.
Other people take longer to start dating again. I recently met a lady who had been divorced for eight years and was only just starting to feel comfortable with the idea of dating.
The most important thing about redesigning your life is that you are happy with yourself, that you like yourself and the life you have made. This is why negative emotions can hold you back.
Many people find that divorce makes them stronger. They are no longer prepared to tolerate things that they don’t like. If you are happy with yourself you don’t need to tolerate anyone because emotionally you are self-sufficient.
Make time to really decide what you do and don’t want and then plan the steps you need to take to redesign your life.
The biggest challenge is deciding what you do want. So many people don’t know, maybe you haven’t even thought about it?
Steps to redesigning your life
Set aside a couple of hours, go somewhere you won’t be disturbed and think about what you want your life to be like. Write down all the things you would like to be, do and have. Write everything down, however crazy it may seem.
· What did you used to enjoy before you were married?
· Did you sacrifice any dreams, ambitions or hobbies during your marriage?
· Imagine that you are 90 years old, looking back over your life – what memories would you like to have?
· What would you like people to be saying about you?
Now think about what steps you could take towards achieving your perfect life. Don’t think that it’s hopeless and you can’t change anything; think about what is stopping you from being, doing and having what you want.
By making small changes, going one step at a time and trying different things you can change your life.
Five secrets to creating a life you love
1. Know what you want.
2. Be willing to take action.
3. Believe that there is no failure, only feedback.
4. Be willing to try different things - if what you are doing isn’t working then do something different.
5. Be positive and believe that you can create a life you love.
I am a qualified Divorce Coach. I have been divorced and widowed. I understand the emotions associated with being on your own after being in a long-term relationship. I have had to reinvent my life on two occasions and am proof that it can be done. I am now self-employed, with a job that I love. I am also married again, very happily.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Annie_O'Neill http://EzineArticles.com/?Redesigning-Your-Life-After-Divorce&id=678413
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Relationship Advice - Five Things A Woman Needs From Her Man
Good relationship advice is important to every couple that is involved in a relationship. Whether you're man or a woman, you should be aware of the five things that every woman needs from her man. Without doubt there are other things that could be contributed to this list, but I believe that at least these five "needs" are necessary to the success of your relationship.
If you are a man, work at providing them. If you are a woman, understand that unnecessary frustration is in store if your man doesn't recognize the importance of offering you with these five things.
1. A woman should feel appreciated. Now you might be surprised that I didn't begin with her desire for love. Most men will say, "I love you." But they may not appreciate their woman how she needs to be appreciated.
2. A woman should share a deep emotional bond with her man. Now what am I referring to? Women feel more secure when they see that their man is in touch with his feelings. They appreciate knowing that you have feelings and that you are not ashamed to share them.
3. A woman needs you to feel she is feminine and sexy. This makes obvious sense, but it is surprising how many men don't make much of an effort to convey their feelings about how they view their woman. Do you find her beautiful and lovely? Do you find her sexy? Then say so to her.
4. A woman should have a man who knows how to be romantic. What do I mean by romantic? Romance is a state of mind. It's finding the little things, like the way your girl's mouth moves when she's flirting with you or how much you appreciate her. But even more primary, it's taking the time and doing something about it. A romantic gesture from you is the true language of your woman's heart.
5. A woman needs a man who they can respect. One of the building blocks of any beneficial relationship is respect. If a woman stops trusting her man, it may end up killing their relationship. Though it can be difficult, if you really love your woman, you need to "be the man" and tell her plainly that you expect her to treat you with respect.
John Souter is a licensed minister and president of Maui Me, Inc., a full-service wedding coordination service. He has officiated and coordinated Maui Weddings for more than eight years. He is also the author of 50 books and multitudes of articles, scripts and papers.
If you are a man, work at providing them. If you are a woman, understand that unnecessary frustration is in store if your man doesn't recognize the importance of offering you with these five things.
1. A woman should feel appreciated. Now you might be surprised that I didn't begin with her desire for love. Most men will say, "I love you." But they may not appreciate their woman how she needs to be appreciated.
2. A woman should share a deep emotional bond with her man. Now what am I referring to? Women feel more secure when they see that their man is in touch with his feelings. They appreciate knowing that you have feelings and that you are not ashamed to share them.
3. A woman needs you to feel she is feminine and sexy. This makes obvious sense, but it is surprising how many men don't make much of an effort to convey their feelings about how they view their woman. Do you find her beautiful and lovely? Do you find her sexy? Then say so to her.
4. A woman should have a man who knows how to be romantic. What do I mean by romantic? Romance is a state of mind. It's finding the little things, like the way your girl's mouth moves when she's flirting with you or how much you appreciate her. But even more primary, it's taking the time and doing something about it. A romantic gesture from you is the true language of your woman's heart.
5. A woman needs a man who they can respect. One of the building blocks of any beneficial relationship is respect. If a woman stops trusting her man, it may end up killing their relationship. Though it can be difficult, if you really love your woman, you need to "be the man" and tell her plainly that you expect her to treat you with respect.
John Souter is a licensed minister and president of Maui Me, Inc., a full-service wedding coordination service. He has officiated and coordinated Maui Weddings for more than eight years. He is also the author of 50 books and multitudes of articles, scripts and papers.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Three Problems To Avoid When Using Completely Free Dating Sites
Completely free dating sites -- are they worth it? The saying is there is no such thing as a free lunch -- so, what about dating sites? This article will examine what to look for if you decide to sign up with completely free dating sites. Specifically, we'll look at the pitfalls of choosing the wrong sites, as well as some good advice to follow before creating a profile at any completely free dating site. In the end you will be much wiser -- and spend your time better -- when using completely free dating sites.
What's the first thing you should consider before signing up with one of these dating services?
Security.
In other words, some of these sites are completely free dating sites because they cut corners and costs. If one of these sites is asking you for a lot of personal information than can make you a victim of identity theft -- and they don't have a decent privacy policy (or worse none at all) -- then don't sign up!
Also, you must beware of what I call the "siren song" dating sites. These are the completely free dating sites that bait you into signing up by showing you pictures of babes, goddesses, and very attractive females who just happen to live right in your area! What are the odds? Too good, actually. These are fake profiles created by either the hosts of the dating sites or other malicious individuals, and their sole purpose is to get you to sign up! Good luck trying to score a dating with these cyber babes though. This is a very common downfall of completely free dating sites.
Finally, the third major thing to be careful of when signing up with completely free dating sites is Spammers! The reason is simple -- some free dating sites are a little more lax on the rules (they can't afford to hire staff to police their site) so spammers blanket these sites with advertisements. You might log into your profile and see 5 or 6 responses and think you might actually get a date tonight. Only when you open them, you only find messages to buy pills, vitamins and other junk that spammers try to push on you.
With that said, there are still a few good completely free dating sites out there if you have the time to look. As one of my resources, I have compiled such a list. You should do the same if you want to really some good results from completely free dating sites.
In conclusion I have given you the three dark secrets to completely free dating sites. As long as you can avoid these, you will do find using free dating sites worth your time. If you'd rather not waste your time, then don't be a tightwad and sign up for a paying service. Either way, I wish you the best in finding your next hot date! And as always, when in doubt, seek for more information before you doing anything when it comes to meeting, attracting, and dating women on completely free dating sites.
Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course in "how to seduce any women". It is only available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/
What's the first thing you should consider before signing up with one of these dating services?
Security.
In other words, some of these sites are completely free dating sites because they cut corners and costs. If one of these sites is asking you for a lot of personal information than can make you a victim of identity theft -- and they don't have a decent privacy policy (or worse none at all) -- then don't sign up!
Also, you must beware of what I call the "siren song" dating sites. These are the completely free dating sites that bait you into signing up by showing you pictures of babes, goddesses, and very attractive females who just happen to live right in your area! What are the odds? Too good, actually. These are fake profiles created by either the hosts of the dating sites or other malicious individuals, and their sole purpose is to get you to sign up! Good luck trying to score a dating with these cyber babes though. This is a very common downfall of completely free dating sites.
Finally, the third major thing to be careful of when signing up with completely free dating sites is Spammers! The reason is simple -- some free dating sites are a little more lax on the rules (they can't afford to hire staff to police their site) so spammers blanket these sites with advertisements. You might log into your profile and see 5 or 6 responses and think you might actually get a date tonight. Only when you open them, you only find messages to buy pills, vitamins and other junk that spammers try to push on you.
With that said, there are still a few good completely free dating sites out there if you have the time to look. As one of my resources, I have compiled such a list. You should do the same if you want to really some good results from completely free dating sites.
In conclusion I have given you the three dark secrets to completely free dating sites. As long as you can avoid these, you will do find using free dating sites worth your time. If you'd rather not waste your time, then don't be a tightwad and sign up for a paying service. Either way, I wish you the best in finding your next hot date! And as always, when in doubt, seek for more information before you doing anything when it comes to meeting, attracting, and dating women on completely free dating sites.
Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course in "how to seduce any women". It is only available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/
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