By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Susie_Collins]Susie Collins
It's pretty much a universal fact that deep down everyone just wants to be loved. What is often overlooked or taken for granted, however, is that the ways people want to be loved can be quite different. We are all individuals with particular likes and dislikes so it makes sense that when it comes to experiencing love; we are not all the same.
Believe it or not, part of amping up the intimacy in your relationship is exploring the differences between you and your partner-especially when it comes to how you each want to be loved. What it all comes down to is tuning in to your desires and listening with openness to your partner's desires. The results can be a more passionate, close and connected loving relationship.
Have you ever prepared a "dream date" for your love with the intention to treat him or her and show those deep feelings you share? Maybe it was a quiet evening at home with flowers, a special meal, and a movie. After the preparations are complete, your love arrives home for this surprise and while he or she expresses appreciation, just doesn't seem as jazzed about the whole thing as you are. So your "dream date" isn't quite so dreamy after all. You might even feel some irritation or fear that your partner doesn't feel the excitement of the moment as you do.
Does a "dream date" flop mean that this couple's marriage is in trouble? Probably not. It could just mean that they haven't taken the time to really get to know how each of them wants to be loved.
It might be that your partner feels more excited and special about going out dancing together than staying home. It could also be that there's something from his or her past that make this particular scenario not feel so special. For example, maybe your love had a past partner who gave him or her flowers frequently and insincerely. If this was the case, flowers would not have the effect you might be intending.
Take some time to answer these questions to avoid "dream date" flops like this and, to instead amp up intimacy....
1.) How do you want to be loved?
So how do you want to be loved? It seems like a no-brainer kind of question, but it may not be. Have you ever sat down and really thought about what you like and don't like in terms of receiving love? If not, do it!
When you spend some time tuning in to what really makes you feel good, you will be clearer about what you want (and what you don't want). You may not even realize that the ways you've been loved just don't feel as good to you as others that are possible. This can (and hopefully will) be a fun exploration. As you figure out what makes you feel fabulous love inside, share with your partner.
2.) How many ways can you think of being loved?
This may seem like a silly exercise but it can be quite helpful. We often place limits on the ways we express love. The "dream date" flop described above consisted of the traditional elements-flowers, food, a movie. What if there were more?
Make a list of all of the ways you might express your love to someone else and be sure to put your answers to question #1. on that list. Nothing is off-limits and try to keep judgments out of it. Some people like to fix or make things for the ones they love. Others spend money on gifts to express their love. Still others write poems or songs to show their love. From the very simple to more involved; it can be physical, emotional, or spiritual-love can be experienced in so many ways.
Now that you've made your list, you can expand on what you came up with in question #1. Love can feel deeper and richer still as you discover the variety of its forms.
3.) How does your love want to be loved?
The exploration continues! You might want to back up to question #2. and share the list-making with your partner. It's probable that you will each come up with unique ideas. And it's quite possible that you will find ways of loving that you hadn't thought of before. As a couple, you could choose some to consciously try out.
Encourage your partner to consider how he or she wants to be loved just as you did. Now it's your turn to listen with an open heart and (perhaps) an adventurous spirit. We do not suggest you express your love in ways that don't feel genuine to you however. As we all know, expressions of love that aren't heartfelt don't feel very loving. Instead, try to stay open to what your partner is wanting and always return to your feelings for him or her.
Come from your heart as you discover what makes you feel loved and as you expand your ways of loving by listening to your partner's desires. This process is all about exploring, sharing and connecting.
Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who help people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more tips on turning up the heat in your love relationship, sign up for their free mini-course at [http://www.redhotloverelationships.com]Red Hot Love Relationships.com
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