Friends With Benefits - Beneficial or Superficial?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Vince_Groth]Vince Groth
In this day and age friends with benefits is becoming more and more popular. I've surveyed people of multiple age groups asking the same questions hoping to learn more about it myself. Suprisingly to me the group of people who were born in the 60s and 70s knew the least about these. I would've assumed otherwise but apparently one night stands were more popular back then. I've also talked to a bunch of college students, about an equal number of males and females and I came to one conclusion. Based on the numbers, males prefer friends with benefits where as females prefer relationships(statistic is based on my numbers alone of over 100 surveyed college students). Some of you are probably thinking, "Duh!" but do any of you know why that is? I think I've figured it out. When it comes to relationships, especially in younger couples, the female wants her man, one man, to fulfill ALL of her needs. Whereas men want multiple girls to fulfill one need...
Here's the kicker to everything I've just explained. When I asked the female show many of them has at least 1 friend with benefits or had one in the last 3 years almost 80% of them have. And i made sure that all one-nighters were rules out. So if females want a relationship and males want friends with benefits why do so many females give in? Are they weak and feeble minded? Are men just that smart? I don't want to yes to either of those questions, but at the same time I think so (and i capitalize) TO AN EXTENT. Based on my experience, when a female and a male connect they try to do or say things to keep the other party interested. Now if a friends with benefits type of thing is what the guy is looking for, and he knows this right off the bat, he needs to play his cards right. He has to keep her interested enough to want to be with him, but at the same time keep enough distance to make it clear that they aren't exclusive. And all to often, women who want a boyfriend will be interested enough that they fall for him and want him bad enough they think they are willing to wait for him. The problem with that is it is a false hope. Once the guy knows he's getting his physical desires met without the need of a relationship why would he change (im not saying all guys, just going with my numbers)? The simple answer is, they wouldn't. And rightly so.
To wander off track a little, think of it as a game. You have 2 players, the guy and the girl. Both teams have different objectives. The guy wants the physical needs met without the other relationship-like necessities, however the female wants it all. So, the guy starts out with his strategy and the girl starts with hers. (This is the part about the feeble minded females...sorry ladies) And going back to my numbers the guy generally prevails. Because the female has that false hope that he will change and want a relationship sometime in the future. Which he very well could, but one of the questions in my survey was, "If you were getting everything you wanted from a girl without needing a relationship would you start to date her knowing the kind of stress that goes along with a relationship." All but 3 guys said, "no". Which again makes perfect sense.
Personally, I am an advocate for FWBs, especially for the younger adults. From my experience, both personal and witnessed, heres how it goes: Guy and girl meet, they talk, they're attracted, they like what each other has got to offer and before you know it they're dating exclusively. And then before you blink they're broken up. Why? Because they really don't know the person and when they first meet they are blind to the other persons faults. So why FWB? you get a chance to really see if you are compatible with each other. You have time to BASICALLY act like boyfriend and girlfriend without all of the added stressors. If you can make it past the initial stressors then you know that there might actually be a fighting chance to a real relationship. Another reason I'm all for FWBs, I am 19, I'm working full-time. I'm taking 17 college credits, and I have issues with my parents (whom I live with). My plate is full. It isn't only not fair to me to have to try to make a relationship work, but it is really not fair for me to put someone through that. I can hardly talk, or hang out. I don't have money to buy her nice gifts(which shouldn't be and isn't necessary, but a nice gesture). And quite frankly, women=stress.
As men we always go out of way to please our ladies, even if it doesn't always seem that way to them, the fact is we try to hard and can't see the obvious. But thats for another day. the fact of the matter is when in a relationship, a real, exclusive relationship the most important thing is attention. I know it sounds weird, but it's not love, or compatibility no matter how much we wish could say it is. It is attention. How much attention do you pay to the other person. And I'm not going to lie, if I had an exclusive girl friend right now she would not get the attention she deserves and I'm sure a lot of guys would agree. i find it hard enough to pay attention to my FWBs with my crazy schedule.
Thats the beauty of FWBs though. And this is where it all comes together. Hypothetical situation: You have an FWB who you really like. Someone who you could even see yourself marrying someday. You have 2 choices. Ask the person for an exclusive relationship and take the chance that you ruin it because you can't accommodate to a relationship at this time. Or remain FWBs, keeping that person close to you so that when your life opens up you can have her all to yourself, but taking the chance that someone else doesn't get to her first.
My advice, if it isn't already obvious. If you're young and busy don't rush into a relationship. They really are stressful and you may have school, or a new career to focus on. Life is all about chances, but don't ruin that life over what could be. Take the time and devote your mind to what really matters right now. So basically, if you fit my description and you really like someone, don't put them through a sub-par relationship. And vice-versa, if they really like you, they'll wait.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vince_Groth http://EzineArticles.com/?Friends-With-Benefits---Beneficial-or-Superficial?&id=962091
