By Ozie Kleine
Often people go into their first committed relationships during college. Romantic relationships can be magnificent, bringing out the best in two people. However, even the healthiest relationships will have times when things are confusing, complex, and challenging. Problems occasionally happen when two people have conflicting hope of what their relationship "should" be like, are diverted by other academic or personal problems, or have difficulty communicating in ways that their partner can really listen to and understand.
The early months of a relationship are often easy and exciting, but flourishing long-term relationships involve continuous effort and compromise by both partners. Because relationship abilities are hardly ever "taught," sometimes one or both partners just may not know how to begin and preserve a healthy and equally satisfying relationship. Some people say that relationships are a tricky business. It does not pay to enter in them unless you are being yourself. Accepting differences is important too, but most importantly is being yourself.
One first key aspects of healthy romantic relationships is falling in love. This is phase when people can construct a healthy relationship from the start. It is not strange for the first months of relationships to be full of promise and relatively free of conflict. While some people experience the excitement of meeting someone new and falling in love, other relationships build slowly or originate in a friendship that grows into love over time. Falling in love transmits our partner in the best possible light, and we often don't notice or are willing to overlook potential the bumpy spots. However, building a healthy relationship pattern early can establish a solid basis for the long run.
When you are just starting a relationship, it may be important to:
Build. Build a basis of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you" to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.
Explore. Explore each other's interests and passions so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
Establish. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard enough in the moment but goes a long way towards healing a crack in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions.
As the months go by it may be important to be familiar with that relationships change and that you should check in periodically.
Relationships change over time. What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship. Even constructive change tends to be stressful, but change is unavoidable. Welcoming change as an occasion to improve the relationship is more rewarding than trying to keep change from happening.
With this in mind, periodically give time to "check in with each other" on changing hope and purpose. These discussions are hardly free of unease, and it is tempting to put off them. Couples can find that if they overlook hard topics too long, their relationship has flowed into rough waters without their noticing. Managing together about changes can make stronger and make deeper the relationship you are building. Then, good communication is key for this period.
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