Why are some couples happier than others? What is the “secret” for a great relationship? With certain couples it is clear there is something about the way they interact that makes it obvious they have a unique and genuine connection.
Even if you’re in a good relationship, you can’t help but wonder: What do they know that I don’t? And if you’re single, you might look at these couples and attribute it all to chemistry or destiny. But it turns out that people in great relationships live by a few basic rules and they make these rules a priority in their day-to-day lives together. Consider these habits that can help you create a strong, nurturing relationship.
Great relationships are based on realistic expectations Great relationships take work and thoughtfulness every day Great relationships need communication know-how Great relationships turn negatives into positives Great relationships have balance
Today’s Great Relationship Habit: Great relationships are based on realistic expectations
Forget what you see in the movies or on television. In other words, real relationships aren’t anything like what you see in the movies full of non-stop romance, candlelight dinners and whirlwind trips to exotic locations. Real relationships take effort, time and commitment. Great relationships just don’t happen because two people love each very much, great relationships happen because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time into the relationship – day after day.
Being in love is not like falling in love, says relationship expert Dr. Phil. “The myth too many people believe is that the ecstatic emotion that one feels when first falling for someone new is real love. But it is only the first stage of love and it is humanly impossible to remain in that stage.”
The key point here is people in healthy and positive relationships have a fundamental understanding of the proper and appropriate expectations for a stable and long-lasting relationship. They understand that not all days will be full or passion and romance. Similarly, they understand that rough spots in a relationship may only be temporary if good communication is present to work through these times.
A good way to look at this is to consider not getting too excited with the very high “highs” or too concerned with the very low “lows.” Both are momentary at best, and will not define the true nature and scope of the relationship over a long period of time. By reframing these extremes, you will be left with the right measure of balance and the right set of expectations to build a quality and sustainable relationship for many years to come.
Alex Blackwell is the author of The Next 45 Years - a website dedicated to sharing and creating happiness, life balance and success for the rest of our lives. To read all five habits of "What Makes a Relationship Great?" please visit: http://www.thenext45years.blogspot.com
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Friday, June 15, 2007
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
How To Recapture The Chemistry You Once Had
Have you built walls around your heart in order to protect yourself? It is rare that I will meet an adult who has not done so. Most adults have a list of names of people who have hurt them. Eventually they become some sort of island fortress. They strive to not allow themselves to feel anything too strong for another person. Perhaps the person you are involved with now is the one who pushed you to put the final brick in the wall. If you have learned to shut your partner out of your heart, I want to challenge you to make another attempt at reconnecting with them. Do not allow yourself to become lifeless. It is a slow and painful death if you do.
Maybe the relationship got off track because you viewed it as serious business. Too many people try so hard to prevent the mistakes their parents made that they regard a relationship as a task. A relationship does not need to be seen as a task. Instead, it should be viewed as something to be enjoyed. You can kill the love between you rather quickly if you stop the enjoyment of your partner’s company. I appreciate the notion that you do not want to repeat the dysfunctional aspects that your parents had in their relationship. Perhaps your serious approach towards relationships is based on past failures of your own. Whatever your reason, decide to enjoy your relationship.
Either of these guarded approaches can lead to falling out of love. Unfortunately, the whole "falling out of love" thing is very common. If this has happened to you, let me show you a way to reverse this process.
You will probably question, “What’s the use?” It will seem that the relationship is over. Do not fall for this lie. Penetrate past the pain and the fears you may be feeling.
Decide now to do whatever it takes to make your partner happy. Demand your best efforts from yourself. The common response is to vacillate between a fair amount of effort and rare episodes of attention. Instruct yourself to go the extra mile and then some. Rigorous effort will deliver the ideal results. “But I don’t know what to do!” you exclaim. Yes, you do. Reflect back to the things you used to do that made your partner happy. What did you do? I bet your were quite charming. Your partner was probably enchanted by your wit and thoughtfulness. Most, likely, you paid more attention to your appearance. Pursue your partner with the same amount of enthusiasm and passion.
Many years ago, my wife approached me with some photographs taken when we began dating. I immediately smiled. You could easily see the passion between us. We looked like two lions about to devour each other. Soon the smile faded as I compared the photographs in my hands with those on the mantel. Even though we appeared happy in the more recent pictures, they did not have the same degree of passion. I felt sad as I realized how the years had whittled away the romantic intensity. Lucky for me that I focus more on solutions than I do on obstacles. I started thinking of how to restore the level of passion. I knew I couldn’t make her look at me the same way as the earlier photographs but I knew I could make myself look at her the same way. I spent some time recalling how I used to treat her. I was charming, funny, encouraging. I carried myself differently. I held her more firmly. I gladly went out of my way for her. I decided to recapture this side of myself for the sake of my love for her. Many times, I will run with an experiment like this without telling my wife what I am trying to do. This time I told her. She liked the idea and we both were able to recapture the passion. In fact, we not only rekindled the chemistry between us, we took it to a magnificent dimension. Discouragement by the lack of immediate results can derail even the most motivated of men and women. Do not give up at signs of trouble. You cannot expect instant reconnection. This is a matter of consistency and patience. You must be patient and consistent. No room exists for negative behavior. You have to show your partner a better offer. Believe me; they do not want the same old stuff that closed them down in the first place. Operate from the premise that “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one, than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.”
Turning a relationship towards greatness will require sacrifice. If you are not willing to go beyond the extra mile then you really are not serious. Your partner will see the lack of effort as well. It cannot be hidden. Talk is just talk unless it is backed up with action.
Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com
Tarjetas de Amor
Conquita a tu pareja deseada con los poemas de amore que no fallan.
Maybe the relationship got off track because you viewed it as serious business. Too many people try so hard to prevent the mistakes their parents made that they regard a relationship as a task. A relationship does not need to be seen as a task. Instead, it should be viewed as something to be enjoyed. You can kill the love between you rather quickly if you stop the enjoyment of your partner’s company. I appreciate the notion that you do not want to repeat the dysfunctional aspects that your parents had in their relationship. Perhaps your serious approach towards relationships is based on past failures of your own. Whatever your reason, decide to enjoy your relationship.
Either of these guarded approaches can lead to falling out of love. Unfortunately, the whole "falling out of love" thing is very common. If this has happened to you, let me show you a way to reverse this process.
You will probably question, “What’s the use?” It will seem that the relationship is over. Do not fall for this lie. Penetrate past the pain and the fears you may be feeling.
Decide now to do whatever it takes to make your partner happy. Demand your best efforts from yourself. The common response is to vacillate between a fair amount of effort and rare episodes of attention. Instruct yourself to go the extra mile and then some. Rigorous effort will deliver the ideal results. “But I don’t know what to do!” you exclaim. Yes, you do. Reflect back to the things you used to do that made your partner happy. What did you do? I bet your were quite charming. Your partner was probably enchanted by your wit and thoughtfulness. Most, likely, you paid more attention to your appearance. Pursue your partner with the same amount of enthusiasm and passion.
Many years ago, my wife approached me with some photographs taken when we began dating. I immediately smiled. You could easily see the passion between us. We looked like two lions about to devour each other. Soon the smile faded as I compared the photographs in my hands with those on the mantel. Even though we appeared happy in the more recent pictures, they did not have the same degree of passion. I felt sad as I realized how the years had whittled away the romantic intensity. Lucky for me that I focus more on solutions than I do on obstacles. I started thinking of how to restore the level of passion. I knew I couldn’t make her look at me the same way as the earlier photographs but I knew I could make myself look at her the same way. I spent some time recalling how I used to treat her. I was charming, funny, encouraging. I carried myself differently. I held her more firmly. I gladly went out of my way for her. I decided to recapture this side of myself for the sake of my love for her. Many times, I will run with an experiment like this without telling my wife what I am trying to do. This time I told her. She liked the idea and we both were able to recapture the passion. In fact, we not only rekindled the chemistry between us, we took it to a magnificent dimension. Discouragement by the lack of immediate results can derail even the most motivated of men and women. Do not give up at signs of trouble. You cannot expect instant reconnection. This is a matter of consistency and patience. You must be patient and consistent. No room exists for negative behavior. You have to show your partner a better offer. Believe me; they do not want the same old stuff that closed them down in the first place. Operate from the premise that “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one, than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.”
Turning a relationship towards greatness will require sacrifice. If you are not willing to go beyond the extra mile then you really are not serious. Your partner will see the lack of effort as well. It cannot be hidden. Talk is just talk unless it is backed up with action.
Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com
Tarjetas de Amor
Conquita a tu pareja deseada con los poemas de amore que no fallan.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The Start of the Affair - Four Stages
The Start of the Affair - Four Stages
By Melody Roberts
The Start Of The Affair: Four Stages
When you're starting a relationship with a committed man, it may seem that you're the only person in the world to feel the way you do. Sorry, but that's just not true. In fact, relationship experts will tell you that all affairs follow a classic pattern. That's right. From the time you first set eyes on each other you are doomed to be lured in and will remain in that relationship until good sense or a broken heart pull you out. The only way to avoid this is to recognize the pattern as it occurs.
Step One: Bonding
It doesn't matter where you meet your otherwise committed man. It might be at the office, at a conference or at a neighborhood bash. Whatever the location, this is the point at which you start to talk and to bond. You may be chatting about shared interests, about children, about marital problems. You might even be chatting to your committed other in an Internet chat room. Chances are you won't even know at this stage that he's committed to someone else. What you talk about doesn't matter as much as the feeling that the two of you share a special relationship. As you get to know each other, emotional sparks start to fly.
Step Two: Secrecy
OK, you can bond with many people, but that doesn't mean that you're going to start a relationship. However, the sign that things are going too far is when you stop telling other people about your bond with this person. By now you might have found out that he's committed, but since you're just friends, there's no reason to worry anyone with the details. The secrecy increases your bond as you feel that the two are you are involved in a unique and special relationship. You're starting to fall in love. So you don't tell your friends (unless you're sure they won't disapprove) that you are attracted to a married man. After all, you don't want the cold water of reality to quench the flames of passion, do you?
Step Three: Dating
Once you pass the secrecy stage, you want to extend your relationship. This is where you find excuses to get together. It could be coffee, lunch or something more. Maybe you go to see a movie, just as friends, of course. After all, there's nothing really going on – or is there? This person is a colleague or friend, nothing more, despite the attraction you feel for each other. And he will manufacture excuses to get close to you to keep the relationship smoldering.
Step Four: Intimacy
This is where you take the final step that moves your relationship from a friendship to something more. This could be the start of a roller coaster. Let's face it, the sex is great and the thrill of secrecy is greater, so why stop now? And at the back of your mind, you're probably thinking that if what he's told you is true, he will soon be committed to you.
Sorry, but that just isn't likely to happen. In most cases men go back to their wives or girlfriends once the thrill is over and you are left with a broken heart. Of course, you could be lucky and be one of the 10 per cent of other women whose committed partner ends up sharing a home with her.
Melody Roberts owns and maintains an internet support forum for women who find themselves involved in a relationship with a committed partner. Find support, information and meet others in the same situation at The Other Woman Support Forum.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melody_Roberts
http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Start-of-the-Affair---Four-Stages&id=573596
By Melody Roberts
The Start Of The Affair: Four Stages
When you're starting a relationship with a committed man, it may seem that you're the only person in the world to feel the way you do. Sorry, but that's just not true. In fact, relationship experts will tell you that all affairs follow a classic pattern. That's right. From the time you first set eyes on each other you are doomed to be lured in and will remain in that relationship until good sense or a broken heart pull you out. The only way to avoid this is to recognize the pattern as it occurs.
Step One: Bonding
It doesn't matter where you meet your otherwise committed man. It might be at the office, at a conference or at a neighborhood bash. Whatever the location, this is the point at which you start to talk and to bond. You may be chatting about shared interests, about children, about marital problems. You might even be chatting to your committed other in an Internet chat room. Chances are you won't even know at this stage that he's committed to someone else. What you talk about doesn't matter as much as the feeling that the two of you share a special relationship. As you get to know each other, emotional sparks start to fly.
Step Two: Secrecy
OK, you can bond with many people, but that doesn't mean that you're going to start a relationship. However, the sign that things are going too far is when you stop telling other people about your bond with this person. By now you might have found out that he's committed, but since you're just friends, there's no reason to worry anyone with the details. The secrecy increases your bond as you feel that the two are you are involved in a unique and special relationship. You're starting to fall in love. So you don't tell your friends (unless you're sure they won't disapprove) that you are attracted to a married man. After all, you don't want the cold water of reality to quench the flames of passion, do you?
Step Three: Dating
Once you pass the secrecy stage, you want to extend your relationship. This is where you find excuses to get together. It could be coffee, lunch or something more. Maybe you go to see a movie, just as friends, of course. After all, there's nothing really going on – or is there? This person is a colleague or friend, nothing more, despite the attraction you feel for each other. And he will manufacture excuses to get close to you to keep the relationship smoldering.
Step Four: Intimacy
This is where you take the final step that moves your relationship from a friendship to something more. This could be the start of a roller coaster. Let's face it, the sex is great and the thrill of secrecy is greater, so why stop now? And at the back of your mind, you're probably thinking that if what he's told you is true, he will soon be committed to you.
Sorry, but that just isn't likely to happen. In most cases men go back to their wives or girlfriends once the thrill is over and you are left with a broken heart. Of course, you could be lucky and be one of the 10 per cent of other women whose committed partner ends up sharing a home with her.
Melody Roberts owns and maintains an internet support forum for women who find themselves involved in a relationship with a committed partner. Find support, information and meet others in the same situation at The Other Woman Support Forum.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melody_Roberts
http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Start-of-the-Affair---Four-Stages&id=573596
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