The search is exciting, but the catch is disappointing. Recognize that experience? When you interact with a potential partner your internal monitor searches for features that match items on your conscious checklist like appearance, status, and humor. But your unconscious is making a different search. It is looking for someone that resembles key figures in your life with whom you have unresolved issues. Guess which part of you makes the final choice. Yes, it is the unconscious. Your internal radar instantly matches some characteristics of a potential partner with a template you have inside. That pattern may have features that belonged to a parent, grandparent, sibling, teacher or anyone that has some special significance for you. That includes relationships with absent, deceased, unavailable or abusive relatives.
Andrew is an intelligent and sensitive man was the butt of his father’s frustration and yelling. It would literally kill off his spirit. He felt he could never please his parents. He was attracted to a girl who was lively, had similar interests and seemed open. Within a short while he found that she yelled and judged him as being in the wrong, just like his father. Her couldn’t please her and was scared of losing her.
Stephanie is terrified that she cannot make a man interested in her. She is constantly let down, disappointed and heartbroken when relationships break off after short times, when the men flirt with others, or move on with their lives, leaving her behind. Her deepest wish is to be the only person in the world for her partner, and acts in ways to demand that. When a boyfriend wants to do something without her she experiences it as a deep wound and unforgivable betrayal.
Both Andrew and Stephanie are viewing their partners through the lens of their personal needs and compulsion to get those needs acknowledged and attended to. Their relationships are therefore made on a corrupt basis, and are not likely to succeed. The same pattern of agony and ecstasy repeats in an unfulfilling cycle with future relationships.
What Do You Seek In A Partner That You Can’t Find?
* A universal accepting person who will take you on despite your imperfections
* A mirror image of yourself so you can feel complete
* Someone who can give you by default all the things you didn’t get as a child, and demand thereafter
* Someone who will fill the empty void that aches for constant reassurance
* A person who will demonstrate by choosing you and rejecting the world that you are important
* Someone who is ‘together’ and strong enough to handle life when it is too much for you
* An angel who knows how you feel without having to be told
* Someone who has enough room for you to hitch a life with, by becoming part of theirs
Maximizing Your Chances Of Creating a Successful Partnership
* Allow and respect your partner’s wishes and needs to do things separate from you. Let your partner breathe and your relationship will flourish.
* Begin to have a relationship with yourself that makes you a real person.- with opinions and preferences
*Accept your own values, passions, fears and weak points. The mix is what makes you interesting and unique. No one wants to date a perfect automaton who never messes up.
* Value what is unique about yourself and project that image.
* When you catch yourself trying to please and choking off your own desires, stop and ask yourself why you want to kill yourself off in order to be loved. If you are dead, who is going to be loved?
*Give yourself permission to ‘live’ and enjoy yourself. Waiting for another person to complete you is putting undue responsibility on a potential partner, and isn’t their job.
*When your buttons get pushed, ask yourself what prior experience it is triggering. Address the original event, not the trigger.
* Keep a good reservoir of energy, respect and love for yourself. If you give it all away in the hope that you will be taken care of in return, you are going to feel empty, angry and unlovable.
*Keep a reality check dialogue going with a partner about whether both of you feel seen and heard for what and who you really are.
Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
http://drjeanetteraymond.com
Monday, July 9, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
What You Need To Know Before You Get An Exclusive Relationship With A Woman
The longer you are in an exclusive relationship with a woman the worse off you are at being able to attract women if and when the two of you break up.
This isn't meant to discourage you from getting into a relationship with a woman; instead it is to let you know how important knowing how to attract women really is.
Part of maintaining a good relationship is to know how to keep the attraction levels high enough and the ability to be willing to end the relationship rather than do something you don't want.
If you already knew how to attract women before getting into the relationship even though your skills might get rusty.
Maintaining the attraction level and having the confidence in knowing that if you must end it you can and still attract women; allows you to take the steps you have to take in order to keep the relationship going strong or end it if necessary.
However, if you enter the relationship simply feeling lucky that you got her or no real idea how you attracted her.
You will not know how to maintain the attraction level and might not be willing to end it instead simply doing what she wants in the hopes that it somehow works out.
When the time comes for you to begin the process of finding another woman you are much more likely to continue trying to get the woman you already knew you were lucky to have in the first place.
Not only does this not work at attracting women it does more to push the woman you were lucky to have further away from you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
This isn't meant to discourage you from getting into a relationship with a woman; instead it is to let you know how important knowing how to attract women really is.
Part of maintaining a good relationship is to know how to keep the attraction levels high enough and the ability to be willing to end the relationship rather than do something you don't want.
If you already knew how to attract women before getting into the relationship even though your skills might get rusty.
Maintaining the attraction level and having the confidence in knowing that if you must end it you can and still attract women; allows you to take the steps you have to take in order to keep the relationship going strong or end it if necessary.
However, if you enter the relationship simply feeling lucky that you got her or no real idea how you attracted her.
You will not know how to maintain the attraction level and might not be willing to end it instead simply doing what she wants in the hopes that it somehow works out.
When the time comes for you to begin the process of finding another woman you are much more likely to continue trying to get the woman you already knew you were lucky to have in the first place.
Not only does this not work at attracting women it does more to push the woman you were lucky to have further away from you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Did You Know That You Can Make A Man Desire You So Much That He Craves You?
We women are very good at making ourselves desirable in the beginning of a relationship but really bad at keeping the attraction after the initial “oh-wow!” wears off and the man you’ve been dating for weeks or months starts to lose interest. How do you make sure that doesn’t happen with your new catch?
Before I get to that, let’s be clear on why most men lose interest in a woman after only a few dates. There are several different reasons for each man and woman (intellectual, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, social etc.) but it all comes down to ONE thing and that is, his PERCEPTION of what it’ll be like if he continued to date you.
So how to you make sure his perception of you continues to make him want to date you? How do you keep him interested in you? How do you make him want you more than any other woman? How do you make him stay faithful to you?
The most common advice out there is that to make him desire you more, don't call him or pretend to be busy or dangle sex in front of him but withhold it when he comes for it. The problem with this kind of advice is that you can’t create a relationship that is going to have enough depth by maneuvering people around their better judgment. There is eventually a negative backlash and you may find out that you’ve wasted so much time and energy on a man' who is not worth it or one who is simply not into you!
There is nothing wrong with “playing hard to get” if it means creating enough mystery and sexual tension that makes a man feel good about himself, his initial perception of you and his feelings about the future of the relationship.
Let me explain a little bit about "sexual tension" in this particular regard. The extremely distorted misconception in our society is that the “sexual” is only limited to sex and therefore the mention of “sexual tension” immediately conjures images of actions and behaviours immediately leading to sexual intercourse- bathing and applying fragrance, putting on your sexiest clothes, rubbing his feet or nibbling his ear, or giving him any other nonverbal signals that suggest that you want and are ready for sexual intercourse. These actions and behaviours may and can get you “sex” but they do not necessarily make a man sexually attracted to you.
Regardless of terminology and explanations, sexual attraction is distinct from, but always includes physical characteristics (physical state of the body and body-language fluency), mental characteristics (thought process, beliefs and attitudes), emotional characteristics (moods and attachment patterns), social characteristics (interpersonal skills and ability to get along) and spiritual characteristics (sense of self and connection to the a higher power). It is in that sense wholistic in nature and sometimes a complex situation.
Your man -- like most men -- was initially drawn to an intimate relationship with you (more than friends) because he perceived you to be sexually attractive. He may have liked “other” things about you but the sexual attraction provided that extra oomph that moved him to take the necessary steps to pursue you. Sexual attraction is a kind of a regenerating energy that makes men (and women) quiver with sensation and anticipation (pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweating palms, weak knees, euphoria and so forth). Alone, it can not evolve into a lasting relationship but without it, the relationship lacks fire and passion to sustain the relationship in a fulfilling way.
If you want to keep your man interested in you and make him want you more than any other woman you must not only make sure that his initial perception of you remains but that it is confirmed again and again. Even better, make sure that it exceed his initial perception and keep making it better by the minute.
To be able to do that you have to be very clear on what his own very SEXUAL IMPRINT is. Each man is unique and has a particular combination of things (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social, etc. that make his inner clock tick. That is what you have to figure out and work with. No flirting skills or seduction techniques or even silly dating rules will work if you are missing what TRULY appeals to his very OWN SEXUAL IMPRINT.
Physically
The biggest mistake men and women make is assume that one size fits-all and all men are attracted to the SAME women’s features. I’ve seen women so pre-occupied with their busts: lifting them, thrusting them forward and pulling the neckline down and all the while the man she is with is checking out the woman in a mini-skirt standing over there and she's not even looking his direction. I've also met women who are really angry because they spent thousands of dollars trying lose weight and be more attractive to their guys only for them to find out that their men are cheating on them with women nowhere as skinny or the men leave the relationship to pursue the "not skinny" woman. Knowing what his natural inclinations are allows you to focus specifically on accentuating and emphasizing particular physical aspects for the greatest appeal.
Mentally
Mental stimulation has very little to do how high you score on an IQ test or how many academic degrees you have. It is possible for a man or woman to be fantastically “brainy” and not be someone you can have a stimulating “intellectual” conversation with. Another word for that is boring. To be intellectually attractive to your man you must not only become somewhat knowledgeable and be able to follow him with curiosity, interest, and intelligence into the world that he finds interesting and mentally stimulating but also capable of leading him into your own world in an interesting and stimulating way. This intellectual and mutual exchange of worlds ensures an easy and continual flow of mental attraction back and forth.
Emotionally
The field of emotional attraction is still relatively new and many of us in modern societies are just beginning to learn the healthiest ways of dealing with emotions. However, that doesn’t change the fact that our human psyche has been pre-programmed to be uniquely sensitive to the intensity, smoothness, regularity, and rhythm of human emotions, and whether we gain or lose energy from being around a particular person. It is not possible to scientifically measure how much energy we gain or lose from being around a particular person, but for whatever reason, some people are easy to be around and some aren’t. By taking time to really zero on the common “mood of life” that the two of you share, you are more likely to be able to make him feel that you are special and believe with great certainty that you bring enjoyment, excitement, arousal, intimacy, nurturance, or some reward related to personal expansion into his life.
Spiritually
This is probably the most neglected aspect of sexual attraction. Spirituality and sexuality are inseparable and meant to go together. When spirituality is ignored, sexuality is suppressed, unhealthy and perverted and when sexuality is denied, spirituality is misused, damaging and confining. But when spirituality and sexuality are nurtured as inseparable, we experience “heaven on earth. Integrating spirituality and sexuality into your sense of self makes you more relaxed - free spirited, open minded, present within the now moment, connected with your environment - a state which allows sexual energy to flow through your mind and body creating an intense “aura” of effortless sex appeal. You don't even have to learn any techniques on flirting or seduction because everything you do is so damn sexy without you even intending to make it sexy.
With a little more understanding of how SEXUAL IMPRINTS operate (there is more) and more practice using them, you can make a man desire and crave you so much that he’s stuck on you - after all you’re basically the only woman who has his “number” and can punch it anywhere anytime.
There is nothing you can do to make a man "love you", he has to come to that place on his own, but you can certainly make him feel good about his initial perception of you and what it’ll be like if he continued to date you. The more "positive" he feels, the faster he moves towards that place of "love".
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
Before I get to that, let’s be clear on why most men lose interest in a woman after only a few dates. There are several different reasons for each man and woman (intellectual, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, social etc.) but it all comes down to ONE thing and that is, his PERCEPTION of what it’ll be like if he continued to date you.
So how to you make sure his perception of you continues to make him want to date you? How do you keep him interested in you? How do you make him want you more than any other woman? How do you make him stay faithful to you?
The most common advice out there is that to make him desire you more, don't call him or pretend to be busy or dangle sex in front of him but withhold it when he comes for it. The problem with this kind of advice is that you can’t create a relationship that is going to have enough depth by maneuvering people around their better judgment. There is eventually a negative backlash and you may find out that you’ve wasted so much time and energy on a man' who is not worth it or one who is simply not into you!
There is nothing wrong with “playing hard to get” if it means creating enough mystery and sexual tension that makes a man feel good about himself, his initial perception of you and his feelings about the future of the relationship.
Let me explain a little bit about "sexual tension" in this particular regard. The extremely distorted misconception in our society is that the “sexual” is only limited to sex and therefore the mention of “sexual tension” immediately conjures images of actions and behaviours immediately leading to sexual intercourse- bathing and applying fragrance, putting on your sexiest clothes, rubbing his feet or nibbling his ear, or giving him any other nonverbal signals that suggest that you want and are ready for sexual intercourse. These actions and behaviours may and can get you “sex” but they do not necessarily make a man sexually attracted to you.
Regardless of terminology and explanations, sexual attraction is distinct from, but always includes physical characteristics (physical state of the body and body-language fluency), mental characteristics (thought process, beliefs and attitudes), emotional characteristics (moods and attachment patterns), social characteristics (interpersonal skills and ability to get along) and spiritual characteristics (sense of self and connection to the a higher power). It is in that sense wholistic in nature and sometimes a complex situation.
Your man -- like most men -- was initially drawn to an intimate relationship with you (more than friends) because he perceived you to be sexually attractive. He may have liked “other” things about you but the sexual attraction provided that extra oomph that moved him to take the necessary steps to pursue you. Sexual attraction is a kind of a regenerating energy that makes men (and women) quiver with sensation and anticipation (pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweating palms, weak knees, euphoria and so forth). Alone, it can not evolve into a lasting relationship but without it, the relationship lacks fire and passion to sustain the relationship in a fulfilling way.
If you want to keep your man interested in you and make him want you more than any other woman you must not only make sure that his initial perception of you remains but that it is confirmed again and again. Even better, make sure that it exceed his initial perception and keep making it better by the minute.
To be able to do that you have to be very clear on what his own very SEXUAL IMPRINT is. Each man is unique and has a particular combination of things (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social, etc. that make his inner clock tick. That is what you have to figure out and work with. No flirting skills or seduction techniques or even silly dating rules will work if you are missing what TRULY appeals to his very OWN SEXUAL IMPRINT.
Physically
The biggest mistake men and women make is assume that one size fits-all and all men are attracted to the SAME women’s features. I’ve seen women so pre-occupied with their busts: lifting them, thrusting them forward and pulling the neckline down and all the while the man she is with is checking out the woman in a mini-skirt standing over there and she's not even looking his direction. I've also met women who are really angry because they spent thousands of dollars trying lose weight and be more attractive to their guys only for them to find out that their men are cheating on them with women nowhere as skinny or the men leave the relationship to pursue the "not skinny" woman. Knowing what his natural inclinations are allows you to focus specifically on accentuating and emphasizing particular physical aspects for the greatest appeal.
Mentally
Mental stimulation has very little to do how high you score on an IQ test or how many academic degrees you have. It is possible for a man or woman to be fantastically “brainy” and not be someone you can have a stimulating “intellectual” conversation with. Another word for that is boring. To be intellectually attractive to your man you must not only become somewhat knowledgeable and be able to follow him with curiosity, interest, and intelligence into the world that he finds interesting and mentally stimulating but also capable of leading him into your own world in an interesting and stimulating way. This intellectual and mutual exchange of worlds ensures an easy and continual flow of mental attraction back and forth.
Emotionally
The field of emotional attraction is still relatively new and many of us in modern societies are just beginning to learn the healthiest ways of dealing with emotions. However, that doesn’t change the fact that our human psyche has been pre-programmed to be uniquely sensitive to the intensity, smoothness, regularity, and rhythm of human emotions, and whether we gain or lose energy from being around a particular person. It is not possible to scientifically measure how much energy we gain or lose from being around a particular person, but for whatever reason, some people are easy to be around and some aren’t. By taking time to really zero on the common “mood of life” that the two of you share, you are more likely to be able to make him feel that you are special and believe with great certainty that you bring enjoyment, excitement, arousal, intimacy, nurturance, or some reward related to personal expansion into his life.
Spiritually
This is probably the most neglected aspect of sexual attraction. Spirituality and sexuality are inseparable and meant to go together. When spirituality is ignored, sexuality is suppressed, unhealthy and perverted and when sexuality is denied, spirituality is misused, damaging and confining. But when spirituality and sexuality are nurtured as inseparable, we experience “heaven on earth. Integrating spirituality and sexuality into your sense of self makes you more relaxed - free spirited, open minded, present within the now moment, connected with your environment - a state which allows sexual energy to flow through your mind and body creating an intense “aura” of effortless sex appeal. You don't even have to learn any techniques on flirting or seduction because everything you do is so damn sexy without you even intending to make it sexy.
With a little more understanding of how SEXUAL IMPRINTS operate (there is more) and more practice using them, you can make a man desire and crave you so much that he’s stuck on you - after all you’re basically the only woman who has his “number” and can punch it anywhere anytime.
There is nothing you can do to make a man "love you", he has to come to that place on his own, but you can certainly make him feel good about his initial perception of you and what it’ll be like if he continued to date you. The more "positive" he feels, the faster he moves towards that place of "love".
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
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