Redesigning your Life after Divorce

Redesigning Your Life After Divorce
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Annie_O'Neill]Annie O'Neill

It is tough when a long-term marriage breaks up but harbouring feelings of bitterness does not serve you well. These negative feelings prolong the agony and hold you back from rebuilding your life. Instead, why not redesign your life?Remember that it will take time to ‘get over’ your partner leaving but also believe that you will recover.

The Road to Recovery

Work through the negative emotions – it is natural to be angry at first. It is almost a grieving process, although your partner might not be dead he/she has gone and it will take time to adjust. However, don’t hang on to those feelings of anger and bitterness – let them go. Jane says: “Once I had got over the shock of him leaving I gained a new lease of life. At first I was resentful that he had left me and I began to think that I had wasted thirty years of my life with my ‘traitorous’ husband. Fortunately, my divorce coach asked me to list the good things about my marriage and once I had the list I realised that they had not been wasted years.

My marriage had given me two wonderful children, we had travelled extensively, and we had made some great friends, several of who supported me through the darkest days of the divorce. I slowly took up new hobbies and through them met new people. I suddenly realised after three years that I was doing what I wanted to do and that I was happier than I had been when I was married”.

Let your friends support you. Chris says “Don’t be shy about relying on friends – good friends don’t mind”. Diane agrees, she says she could not have got through without her friends. In fact both lived with friends after the break up of their marriages. Diane says that she realised that on the whole “people are very generous and kind”

Make the divorce process as painless as possible. Try to pick a lawyer who offers a mediation service and collaborative divorce. It is important to keep the communication channels open.

Sonia says that she found it hard to adjust to being single but she kept a journal of her feelings and found that this helped. She was scared of being on her own at first but she worked through the fear, she started meeting new people and, after about three years, she began dating again.
Other people take longer to start dating again. I recently met a lady who had been divorced for eight years and was only just starting to feel comfortable with the idea of dating.

The most important thing about redesigning your life is that you are happy with yourself, that you like yourself and the life you have made. This is why negative emotions can hold you back.

Many people find that divorce makes them stronger. They are no longer prepared to tolerate things that they don’t like. If you are happy with yourself you don’t need to tolerate anyone because emotionally you are self-sufficient.

Make time to really decide what you do and don’t want and then plan the steps you need to take to redesign your life.

The biggest challenge is deciding what you do want. So many people don’t know, maybe you haven’t even thought about it?

Steps to redesigning your life

Set aside a couple of hours, go somewhere you won’t be disturbed and think about what you want your life to be like. Write down all the things you would like to be, do and have. Write everything down, however crazy it may seem.

· What did you used to enjoy before you were married?

· Did you sacrifice any dreams, ambitions or hobbies during your marriage?

· Imagine that you are 90 years old, looking back over your life – what memories would you like to have?

· What would you like people to be saying about you?

Now think about what steps you could take towards achieving your perfect life. Don’t think that it’s hopeless and you can’t change anything; think about what is stopping you from being, doing and having what you want.
By making small changes, going one step at a time and trying different things you can change your life.

Five secrets to creating a life you love

1. Know what you want.

2. Be willing to take action.

3. Believe that there is no failure, only feedback.

4. Be willing to try different things - if what you are doing isn’t working then do something different.

5. Be positive and believe that you can create a life you love.

I am a qualified Divorce Coach. I have been divorced and widowed. I understand the emotions associated with being on your own after being in a long-term relationship. I have had to reinvent my life on two occasions and am proof that it can be done. I am now self-employed, with a job that I love. I am also married again, very happily.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Annie_O'Neill http://EzineArticles.com/?Redesigning-Your-Life-After-Divorce&id=678413

Relationship Advice - Five Things A Woman Needs From Her Man

Good relationship advice is important to every couple that is involved in a relationship. Whether you're man or a woman, you should be aware of the five things that every woman needs from her man. Without doubt there are other things that could be contributed to this list, but I believe that at least these five "needs" are necessary to the success of your relationship.

If you are a man, work at providing them. If you are a woman, understand that unnecessary frustration is in store if your man doesn't recognize the importance of offering you with these five things.

1. A woman should feel appreciated. Now you might be surprised that I didn't begin with her desire for love. Most men will say, "I love you." But they may not appreciate their woman how she needs to be appreciated.

2. A woman should share a deep emotional bond with her man. Now what am I referring to? Women feel more secure when they see that their man is in touch with his feelings. They appreciate knowing that you have feelings and that you are not ashamed to share them.

3. A woman needs you to feel she is feminine and sexy. This makes obvious sense, but it is surprising how many men don't make much of an effort to convey their feelings about how they view their woman. Do you find her beautiful and lovely? Do you find her sexy? Then say so to her.

4. A woman should have a man who knows how to be romantic. What do I mean by romantic? Romance is a state of mind. It's finding the little things, like the way your girl's mouth moves when she's flirting with you or how much you appreciate her. But even more primary, it's taking the time and doing something about it. A romantic gesture from you is the true language of your woman's heart.

5. A woman needs a man who they can respect. One of the building blocks of any beneficial relationship is respect. If a woman stops trusting her man, it may end up killing their relationship. Though it can be difficult, if you really love your woman, you need to "be the man" and tell her plainly that you expect her to treat you with respect.

John Souter is a licensed minister and president of Maui Me, Inc., a full-service wedding coordination service. He has officiated and coordinated Maui Weddings for more than eight years. He is also the author of 50 books and multitudes of articles, scripts and papers.

Three Problems To Avoid When Using Completely Free Dating Sites

Completely free dating sites -- are they worth it? The saying is there is no such thing as a free lunch -- so, what about dating sites? This article will examine what to look for if you decide to sign up with completely free dating sites. Specifically, we'll look at the pitfalls of choosing the wrong sites, as well as some good advice to follow before creating a profile at any completely free dating site. In the end you will be much wiser -- and spend your time better -- when using completely free dating sites.

What's the first thing you should consider before signing up with one of these dating services?

Security.

In other words, some of these sites are completely free dating sites because they cut corners and costs. If one of these sites is asking you for a lot of personal information than can make you a victim of identity theft -- and they don't have a decent privacy policy (or worse none at all) -- then don't sign up!

Also, you must beware of what I call the "siren song" dating sites. These are the completely free dating sites that bait you into signing up by showing you pictures of babes, goddesses, and very attractive females who just happen to live right in your area! What are the odds? Too good, actually. These are fake profiles created by either the hosts of the dating sites or other malicious individuals, and their sole purpose is to get you to sign up! Good luck trying to score a dating with these cyber babes though. This is a very common downfall of completely free dating sites.

Finally, the third major thing to be careful of when signing up with completely free dating sites is Spammers! The reason is simple -- some free dating sites are a little more lax on the rules (they can't afford to hire staff to police their site) so spammers blanket these sites with advertisements. You might log into your profile and see 5 or 6 responses and think you might actually get a date tonight. Only when you open them, you only find messages to buy pills, vitamins and other junk that spammers try to push on you.

With that said, there are still a few good completely free dating sites out there if you have the time to look. As one of my resources, I have compiled such a list. You should do the same if you want to really some good results from completely free dating sites.

In conclusion I have given you the three dark secrets to completely free dating sites. As long as you can avoid these, you will do find using free dating sites worth your time. If you'd rather not waste your time, then don't be a tightwad and sign up for a paying service. Either way, I wish you the best in finding your next hot date! And as always, when in doubt, seek for more information before you doing anything when it comes to meeting, attracting, and dating women on completely free dating sites.

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course in "how to seduce any women". It is only available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/