How To Get Your Ex Back - 8 Great Tips
By Ron Weber
If you are wondering how to get your ex back now that you have broken up, than let me tell you - in most cases it is doable. But the problem is that most people are doing it wrong. In fact, in many cases you will be driving your ex even further from you and not back to you!
This doesn't have to be that way. You simply need to learn how to get your ex back. It is possible, and involves doing certain things and avoiding other things.
First, let's talk about the thing you should not do. Simply avoid doing these, no matter what:
1. Chasing you ex. This is a big no-no. If you chase her or him with phone calls, emails, sending your friends as messengers and any other tricks, the only thing that will happen is that your ex start hating or fearing you. This leaves no chance of comeback what so ever.
2. Stalking your ex - again, a big no-no. If you will try to force them to see you by ambushing her or him you will only make things worse. People will start calling you "a stalker" and you will find it hard to make new friends this way.
3. Being depressed - If you let yourself slide into depression, other areas of your life will suffer. Some people even lost their job because their relationship came to an end. Don't let this happen to you.
4. Avoiding social life - If you will become a hermit as a result of a break up, that again you will only be punishing yourself. There is a big world out there, and you can find love. Be that your ex or another person.
So, what should you do? If you really want to start seeing how to get your ex back, try practicing the next 4 ways of action.
1. Create more value for yourself - When your ex left you, in many cases it was because she did not value you and your relationship high enough to stay. Therefore, your job is to create more value for yourself. For example, if you're a man, you can build more value by her hearing about you meeting other women.
2. Stay in touch - though it may hurt, stay in touch with your ex. This can be with email or sms, if you are not comfortable talking. When you do that, you remain her or him of the good times you had together and you also signal that there is a way back.
3. Do a make over - in many cases, being in a relationship for more than a year makes you less groomed. If you feel you've been neglecting yourself lately, start going to the gym and buy new and cool clothes. This will make you feel better about yourself and you will resonate that feeling to your surroundings. Your ex will feel that too.
4. Let her or him seek you out - Don't chase your ex around. Let them come to you. Doing all the things we just talked about will help you regain your confidence and your ex will feel that. Confident people attract other people, and your ex will be attracted to you again.
How to get your ex back is not rocket science. It's a simple process that will work if you apply it. If you and your ex belong together, than you will get back together eventually.
Ron Weber is a dating expert. You can find his experiences posted at the how to get your ex back blog. Just follow along as he posts his thoughts about the subject, and learn how to apply them to your life.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Why Do Women Forgive And Stay?
Why Do Women Forgive And Stay?
By Debbie Ford
Women are emotionally and psychologically hardwired to forgive when they believe that somebody has true remorse for their bad behaviors and the “dirty deeds” that they’ve committed. Political wives often have much more at stake than most. Spouses, like Senator David Vitter’s wife, are usually highly educated and bright women who realize that everyone has human shortcomings and impulses that sometimes drive us to make bad choices and sabotage the good things in our lives. Smart women weigh the facts, measuring what they gain from the relationship versus all that they have to lose. Even if the situation has been publicly humiliating and emotionally devastating, like their husbands, they are serving a greater agenda which has them make strategic decisions instead of emotional choices.
There is so much more to these marriages than we can see or know about simply by looking through the lens of the media. Most women who choose to forgive and stay in their marriages have children. They’re really the ones that have the family values. “Till death do us part” is a vow taken very seriously for many of them. They are the ones with the integrity and the commitment. These qualities and traits are probably why their husbands chose them in the first place.
Most women carry a very strong vision for what is possible for the big future that they can create together as a couple and a family. Look at Hillary Clinton. She’s making her husband work for her day and night. She could have left, but she stayed. She clearly had a vision. That kind of vision, along with the hope and the faith in their husbands (as well as a dose of denial), drives many women to deal with and handle whatever crises come up in their marriage. Whether that vision can carry the couple through turbulent times or whether it descends into a false fantasy of “happily ever after” is the question. During these painful crossroads, people often have a spiritual opening or awakening. The shame and humiliation that they’re confronted with has them crack open, so to speak. It is at the times when we are exposed that we are forced to face some of our greatest fears and discover our resilience and capacity to survive and ultimately transcend that which we feared would destroy us. Thus the adage, “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” These experiences of betrayal and pain often become defining moments: Which road will they choose? After their partners have cheated on them, sometimes women have the most intimate conversations they have ever had, and truth and honesty clear the way for a new beginning.
And of course, women staying in dishonest and dysfunctional relationships can have nothing to do with forgiveness: they stay because they’re scared to leave, whether their fears have to do with money, social status, or emotional fragility. They simply join in the deceit, go into denial, and stay because it’s the easiest choice.
As a side note, in working with thousands of people from all over the world, for me the kind of sex scandal we’re seeing with Senator Vitter isn’t shocking or surprising. I see again and again that when someone is so committed to and righteous about a particular issue, they’re often driven by their shadow, the disowned or rejected parts of their own humanity. In this example, Senator Vitter developed his political platform in part on the sanctity of marriage and his very human dark side popped up and violated that very position. Another example is Jesse Jackson, standing for family and strong Christian values and then having affairs and a child out of wedlock.
By Debbie Ford, #1 New York Times best-selling author of five books, including Spiritual Divorce; The Dark Side of the Light Chasers; and The Best Year of Your Life. For more information on Debbie’s Spiritual Divorce Coaches, Spiritual Divorce Audio Course, and more, visit http://www.debbieford.com
By Debbie Ford
Women are emotionally and psychologically hardwired to forgive when they believe that somebody has true remorse for their bad behaviors and the “dirty deeds” that they’ve committed. Political wives often have much more at stake than most. Spouses, like Senator David Vitter’s wife, are usually highly educated and bright women who realize that everyone has human shortcomings and impulses that sometimes drive us to make bad choices and sabotage the good things in our lives. Smart women weigh the facts, measuring what they gain from the relationship versus all that they have to lose. Even if the situation has been publicly humiliating and emotionally devastating, like their husbands, they are serving a greater agenda which has them make strategic decisions instead of emotional choices.
There is so much more to these marriages than we can see or know about simply by looking through the lens of the media. Most women who choose to forgive and stay in their marriages have children. They’re really the ones that have the family values. “Till death do us part” is a vow taken very seriously for many of them. They are the ones with the integrity and the commitment. These qualities and traits are probably why their husbands chose them in the first place.
Most women carry a very strong vision for what is possible for the big future that they can create together as a couple and a family. Look at Hillary Clinton. She’s making her husband work for her day and night. She could have left, but she stayed. She clearly had a vision. That kind of vision, along with the hope and the faith in their husbands (as well as a dose of denial), drives many women to deal with and handle whatever crises come up in their marriage. Whether that vision can carry the couple through turbulent times or whether it descends into a false fantasy of “happily ever after” is the question. During these painful crossroads, people often have a spiritual opening or awakening. The shame and humiliation that they’re confronted with has them crack open, so to speak. It is at the times when we are exposed that we are forced to face some of our greatest fears and discover our resilience and capacity to survive and ultimately transcend that which we feared would destroy us. Thus the adage, “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” These experiences of betrayal and pain often become defining moments: Which road will they choose? After their partners have cheated on them, sometimes women have the most intimate conversations they have ever had, and truth and honesty clear the way for a new beginning.
And of course, women staying in dishonest and dysfunctional relationships can have nothing to do with forgiveness: they stay because they’re scared to leave, whether their fears have to do with money, social status, or emotional fragility. They simply join in the deceit, go into denial, and stay because it’s the easiest choice.
As a side note, in working with thousands of people from all over the world, for me the kind of sex scandal we’re seeing with Senator Vitter isn’t shocking or surprising. I see again and again that when someone is so committed to and righteous about a particular issue, they’re often driven by their shadow, the disowned or rejected parts of their own humanity. In this example, Senator Vitter developed his political platform in part on the sanctity of marriage and his very human dark side popped up and violated that very position. Another example is Jesse Jackson, standing for family and strong Christian values and then having affairs and a child out of wedlock.
By Debbie Ford, #1 New York Times best-selling author of five books, including Spiritual Divorce; The Dark Side of the Light Chasers; and The Best Year of Your Life. For more information on Debbie’s Spiritual Divorce Coaches, Spiritual Divorce Audio Course, and more, visit http://www.debbieford.com
Become the Mate You Desire
Become the Mate You Desire
By Carmin Wharton
When seeking a mate, a critical step is to focus on the person on the inside first then consider the potential mate’s outside appearance. I read something recently, which reminded me of another critical step in realizing the relationship of your dreams. First, let me interject this, the principle I am about to share with you today can be applied to any relationship. This includes your relationship with your parents, kids, friends, and co-workers – every relationship imaginable. But for our purposes, we are going to focus on romantic relationships.
Here it is. Whatever you desire in a mate, to attract that person with those traits, you must become yourself. This is definitely easier said than done.
If you desire a mate who is kind, gentle and compassionate, then you need to become kind, gentle and compassionate. Very often we tend to be more congenial to co-workers and friends than we are to family – the people we live with or see often – our families. This includes your parents, siblings, kids or other relatives. We pretty much realize that these folk cannot divorce us and unless we’ve committed some horrific crime, they probably won’t cast us out of their lives. So, we tend to not be as kind, gentle and compassionate toward them as we are to others who are not kin to us – tied eternally to us through blood relations. But, to attract the kind, gentle and compassionate mate we desire, we need to exhibit these qualities in every relationship we are involved in.
If you desire a mate who is financially secure, then you must make sure your financial house is in order. If you have past due bills, make every effort to catch them up or work out a payment plan with your creditors. If your savings account is nil, think of ways you can save more money or increase your income and began to save and invest.
If you desire a mate who is physically fit, then you must become physically fit. If you are not in good shape, commit today to an exercise and eating regimen to get in shape. Heck, you may even meet the love of your life at the gym while you are working out or at the park while you are walking. You just never know.
If you want a relationship with someone who has class and dignity and knows how to carry him or herself then make sure you are a class act. Are you refined and do you act appropriately in all situations?
If you desire a relationship with a spiritual person who knows God and acts like it, are you really spiritual or are you just going through the motions? Are you in church every Sunday and have absolutely no connection to the Spirit? Can you honestly say that you have grown spiritually or in your faith walk to the point that you trust God emphatically?
If you want a relationship in which the person will not cheat or lie, can you honestly say you don’t cheat or lie? I’m not speaking of infidelity per se. Do you fudge a bit and cheat at work, i.e. arrive 10 minutes late every day and make sure you are out the door 10 minutes early? If you received more change back that was due you from a purchase did you bring it to the attention of the clerk? Do you lie to yourself about things?
If you want someone who is dependable, can you be depended on? Can you depend on yourself? Do you make promises to yourself that you do not keep? Can others depend on you or do you make excuses when you don’t follow through on something you’ve promised to another?
What is that I hear you saying? Oh, you are already everything you desire in a mate. Then what’s the problem? The problem is in your expectation. Have you been in so many unfit relationships that you are expecting the worst? Ahh hah. Well, you will also attract what you expect. Expect that all men are liars and cheats and that is the type of man you will continue to attract. Every guy you attract will be a part of the canine family fit for the Humane Society. Expect that all women are after your money and can’t be trusted and that’s exactly the type of woman you will continue to attract. She’ll always be asking as Janet Jackson says, “What have you done for me lately?”
Finally, your self-worth and self-esteem must be at the level where you know you deserve the best and then you must have the courage to do one of two things: wait with peace and expectation (being sure not to put your life on hold) or if you are in a relationship not worthy of you, get out.
Are you already the type of person you are seeking a relationship with? Yes? Great – you are on your way to a satisfying relationship! No? Why are you still sitting? Get up and get busy becoming who you know you are looking for.
In Chapter 2 of my book, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces I suggest that an individual seeking a mate sit down and write down every single physical attribute they desire in a mate, then set that list aside. Now, sit down and write another list of everything you desire in a mate's character. The reason: by writing out the first list, you get what you should not be focusing on out of the way. Now you can focus on what does matter - what your ideal mate should be like on the inside.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, e-zine or blog. However, the byline below must be included in its entirety.
Copyright Carmin Wharton, 2007
Author, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces
http://www.carminwharton.com
http://blog.carminwharton.com
By Carmin Wharton
When seeking a mate, a critical step is to focus on the person on the inside first then consider the potential mate’s outside appearance. I read something recently, which reminded me of another critical step in realizing the relationship of your dreams. First, let me interject this, the principle I am about to share with you today can be applied to any relationship. This includes your relationship with your parents, kids, friends, and co-workers – every relationship imaginable. But for our purposes, we are going to focus on romantic relationships.
Here it is. Whatever you desire in a mate, to attract that person with those traits, you must become yourself. This is definitely easier said than done.
If you desire a mate who is kind, gentle and compassionate, then you need to become kind, gentle and compassionate. Very often we tend to be more congenial to co-workers and friends than we are to family – the people we live with or see often – our families. This includes your parents, siblings, kids or other relatives. We pretty much realize that these folk cannot divorce us and unless we’ve committed some horrific crime, they probably won’t cast us out of their lives. So, we tend to not be as kind, gentle and compassionate toward them as we are to others who are not kin to us – tied eternally to us through blood relations. But, to attract the kind, gentle and compassionate mate we desire, we need to exhibit these qualities in every relationship we are involved in.
If you desire a mate who is financially secure, then you must make sure your financial house is in order. If you have past due bills, make every effort to catch them up or work out a payment plan with your creditors. If your savings account is nil, think of ways you can save more money or increase your income and began to save and invest.
If you desire a mate who is physically fit, then you must become physically fit. If you are not in good shape, commit today to an exercise and eating regimen to get in shape. Heck, you may even meet the love of your life at the gym while you are working out or at the park while you are walking. You just never know.
If you want a relationship with someone who has class and dignity and knows how to carry him or herself then make sure you are a class act. Are you refined and do you act appropriately in all situations?
If you desire a relationship with a spiritual person who knows God and acts like it, are you really spiritual or are you just going through the motions? Are you in church every Sunday and have absolutely no connection to the Spirit? Can you honestly say that you have grown spiritually or in your faith walk to the point that you trust God emphatically?
If you want a relationship in which the person will not cheat or lie, can you honestly say you don’t cheat or lie? I’m not speaking of infidelity per se. Do you fudge a bit and cheat at work, i.e. arrive 10 minutes late every day and make sure you are out the door 10 minutes early? If you received more change back that was due you from a purchase did you bring it to the attention of the clerk? Do you lie to yourself about things?
If you want someone who is dependable, can you be depended on? Can you depend on yourself? Do you make promises to yourself that you do not keep? Can others depend on you or do you make excuses when you don’t follow through on something you’ve promised to another?
What is that I hear you saying? Oh, you are already everything you desire in a mate. Then what’s the problem? The problem is in your expectation. Have you been in so many unfit relationships that you are expecting the worst? Ahh hah. Well, you will also attract what you expect. Expect that all men are liars and cheats and that is the type of man you will continue to attract. Every guy you attract will be a part of the canine family fit for the Humane Society. Expect that all women are after your money and can’t be trusted and that’s exactly the type of woman you will continue to attract. She’ll always be asking as Janet Jackson says, “What have you done for me lately?”
Finally, your self-worth and self-esteem must be at the level where you know you deserve the best and then you must have the courage to do one of two things: wait with peace and expectation (being sure not to put your life on hold) or if you are in a relationship not worthy of you, get out.
Are you already the type of person you are seeking a relationship with? Yes? Great – you are on your way to a satisfying relationship! No? Why are you still sitting? Get up and get busy becoming who you know you are looking for.
In Chapter 2 of my book, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces I suggest that an individual seeking a mate sit down and write down every single physical attribute they desire in a mate, then set that list aside. Now, sit down and write another list of everything you desire in a mate's character. The reason: by writing out the first list, you get what you should not be focusing on out of the way. Now you can focus on what does matter - what your ideal mate should be like on the inside.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, e-zine or blog. However, the byline below must be included in its entirety.
Copyright Carmin Wharton, 2007
Author, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces
http://www.carminwharton.com
http://blog.carminwharton.com
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