Online Dating-Do Not Tell The Truth

Online Dating-Do Not Tell The Truth by Vivian Johnson

I've been involved with online dating since...since forever! In the beginning, when I set up my profiles, I was totally honest. Over the years, I began to regret it!
When I state: Do not tell the truth, it is only to protect yourself. I tell the truth about my exterior, not my interior.

Being honest about your feeling, emotions, future plans and dreams is a huge mistake! Online, that is the equivalent to leaving a cash stuffed armored truck in a back alley, with the keys in it.

If you haven't discovered it already, the online dating sites are over populated with emotional con artists and leeches. They prey on your feelings and emotions. That is why I do not tell the truth.

Most of us think, by laying our feelings on the line...by letting it all hang out we will have a better chance at attracting someone compatible to our dreams, hopes, ambitions, etc. To be perfectly honest? It has backfired on me four out of five times! When I got tired of being emotionally abused, I learned; do not tell the truth!

Emotional con artists study you like a book. They will take your truth, ask additional questions, and then miraculously transform themselves into the person of your dreams! Your profile states: you love public displays of affection? So do they! you love spooning on a plush rug in front of the fireplace on a rainy night...so do they! you love to go to local carnivals late at night...guess what? So do they!

Soon you feel like you've found your soul mate. You haven't, but you gave him the key to your innermost thoughts, hopes, desires, and dreams.

Online, we give total strangers access to very private information. They in turn, can turn around and trash it! Because of this, I learned to not tell the truth...until that special one has earned his way into that secret place. And...not until then.




About the Author
I have been involved in online dating since the very beginning, and I have had a blast!

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Thinking about Friends with Benefits?

Friends With Benefits - Beneficial or Superficial?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Vince_Groth]Vince Groth

In this day and age friends with benefits is becoming more and more popular. I've surveyed people of multiple age groups asking the same questions hoping to learn more about it myself. Suprisingly to me the group of people who were born in the 60s and 70s knew the least about these. I would've assumed otherwise but apparently one night stands were more popular back then. I've also talked to a bunch of college students, about an equal number of males and females and I came to one conclusion. Based on the numbers, males prefer friends with benefits where as females prefer relationships(statistic is based on my numbers alone of over 100 surveyed college students). Some of you are probably thinking, "Duh!" but do any of you know why that is? I think I've figured it out. When it comes to relationships, especially in younger couples, the female wants her man, one man, to fulfill ALL of her needs. Whereas men want multiple girls to fulfill one need...

Here's the kicker to everything I've just explained. When I asked the female show many of them has at least 1 friend with benefits or had one in the last 3 years almost 80% of them have. And i made sure that all one-nighters were rules out. So if females want a relationship and males want friends with benefits why do so many females give in? Are they weak and feeble minded? Are men just that smart? I don't want to yes to either of those questions, but at the same time I think so (and i capitalize) TO AN EXTENT. Based on my experience, when a female and a male connect they try to do or say things to keep the other party interested. Now if a friends with benefits type of thing is what the guy is looking for, and he knows this right off the bat, he needs to play his cards right. He has to keep her interested enough to want to be with him, but at the same time keep enough distance to make it clear that they aren't exclusive. And all to often, women who want a boyfriend will be interested enough that they fall for him and want him bad enough they think they are willing to wait for him. The problem with that is it is a false hope. Once the guy knows he's getting his physical desires met without the need of a relationship why would he change (im not saying all guys, just going with my numbers)? The simple answer is, they wouldn't. And rightly so.

To wander off track a little, think of it as a game. You have 2 players, the guy and the girl. Both teams have different objectives. The guy wants the physical needs met without the other relationship-like necessities, however the female wants it all. So, the guy starts out with his strategy and the girl starts with hers. (This is the part about the feeble minded females...sorry ladies) And going back to my numbers the guy generally prevails. Because the female has that false hope that he will change and want a relationship sometime in the future. Which he very well could, but one of the questions in my survey was, "If you were getting everything you wanted from a girl without needing a relationship would you start to date her knowing the kind of stress that goes along with a relationship." All but 3 guys said, "no". Which again makes perfect sense.

Personally, I am an advocate for FWBs, especially for the younger adults. From my experience, both personal and witnessed, heres how it goes: Guy and girl meet, they talk, they're attracted, they like what each other has got to offer and before you know it they're dating exclusively. And then before you blink they're broken up. Why? Because they really don't know the person and when they first meet they are blind to the other persons faults. So why FWB? you get a chance to really see if you are compatible with each other. You have time to BASICALLY act like boyfriend and girlfriend without all of the added stressors. If you can make it past the initial stressors then you know that there might actually be a fighting chance to a real relationship. Another reason I'm all for FWBs, I am 19, I'm working full-time. I'm taking 17 college credits, and I have issues with my parents (whom I live with). My plate is full. It isn't only not fair to me to have to try to make a relationship work, but it is really not fair for me to put someone through that. I can hardly talk, or hang out. I don't have money to buy her nice gifts(which shouldn't be and isn't necessary, but a nice gesture). And quite frankly, women=stress.

As men we always go out of way to please our ladies, even if it doesn't always seem that way to them, the fact is we try to hard and can't see the obvious. But thats for another day. the fact of the matter is when in a relationship, a real, exclusive relationship the most important thing is attention. I know it sounds weird, but it's not love, or compatibility no matter how much we wish could say it is. It is attention. How much attention do you pay to the other person. And I'm not going to lie, if I had an exclusive girl friend right now she would not get the attention she deserves and I'm sure a lot of guys would agree. i find it hard enough to pay attention to my FWBs with my crazy schedule.

Thats the beauty of FWBs though. And this is where it all comes together. Hypothetical situation: You have an FWB who you really like. Someone who you could even see yourself marrying someday. You have 2 choices. Ask the person for an exclusive relationship and take the chance that you ruin it because you can't accommodate to a relationship at this time. Or remain FWBs, keeping that person close to you so that when your life opens up you can have her all to yourself, but taking the chance that someone else doesn't get to her first.

My advice, if it isn't already obvious. If you're young and busy don't rush into a relationship. They really are stressful and you may have school, or a new career to focus on. Life is all about chances, but don't ruin that life over what could be. Take the time and devote your mind to what really matters right now. So basically, if you fit my description and you really like someone, don't put them through a sub-par relationship. And vice-versa, if they really like you, they'll wait.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vince_Groth http://EzineArticles.com/?Friends-With-Benefits---Beneficial-or-Superficial?&id=962091

Intimacy and Passion - we all need more. Don't we?

Relationship Advice for "Amping" Up Your Passion and Intimacy
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Susie_Collins]Susie Collins

It's pretty much a universal fact that deep down everyone just wants to be loved. What is often overlooked or taken for granted, however, is that the ways people want to be loved can be quite different. We are all individuals with particular likes and dislikes so it makes sense that when it comes to experiencing love; we are not all the same.

Believe it or not, part of amping up the intimacy in your relationship is exploring the differences between you and your partner-especially when it comes to how you each want to be loved. What it all comes down to is tuning in to your desires and listening with openness to your partner's desires. The results can be a more passionate, close and connected loving relationship.

Have you ever prepared a "dream date" for your love with the intention to treat him or her and show those deep feelings you share? Maybe it was a quiet evening at home with flowers, a special meal, and a movie. After the preparations are complete, your love arrives home for this surprise and while he or she expresses appreciation, just doesn't seem as jazzed about the whole thing as you are. So your "dream date" isn't quite so dreamy after all. You might even feel some irritation or fear that your partner doesn't feel the excitement of the moment as you do.

Does a "dream date" flop mean that this couple's marriage is in trouble? Probably not. It could just mean that they haven't taken the time to really get to know how each of them wants to be loved.

It might be that your partner feels more excited and special about going out dancing together than staying home. It could also be that there's something from his or her past that make this particular scenario not feel so special. For example, maybe your love had a past partner who gave him or her flowers frequently and insincerely. If this was the case, flowers would not have the effect you might be intending.

Take some time to answer these questions to avoid "dream date" flops like this and, to instead amp up intimacy....

1.) How do you want to be loved?

So how do you want to be loved? It seems like a no-brainer kind of question, but it may not be. Have you ever sat down and really thought about what you like and don't like in terms of receiving love? If not, do it!

When you spend some time tuning in to what really makes you feel good, you will be clearer about what you want (and what you don't want). You may not even realize that the ways you've been loved just don't feel as good to you as others that are possible. This can (and hopefully will) be a fun exploration. As you figure out what makes you feel fabulous love inside, share with your partner.

2.) How many ways can you think of being loved?

This may seem like a silly exercise but it can be quite helpful. We often place limits on the ways we express love. The "dream date" flop described above consisted of the traditional elements-flowers, food, a movie. What if there were more?

Make a list of all of the ways you might express your love to someone else and be sure to put your answers to question #1. on that list. Nothing is off-limits and try to keep judgments out of it. Some people like to fix or make things for the ones they love. Others spend money on gifts to express their love. Still others write poems or songs to show their love. From the very simple to more involved; it can be physical, emotional, or spiritual-love can be experienced in so many ways.

Now that you've made your list, you can expand on what you came up with in question #1. Love can feel deeper and richer still as you discover the variety of its forms.

3.) How does your love want to be loved?

The exploration continues! You might want to back up to question #2. and share the list-making with your partner. It's probable that you will each come up with unique ideas. And it's quite possible that you will find ways of loving that you hadn't thought of before. As a couple, you could choose some to consciously try out.

Encourage your partner to consider how he or she wants to be loved just as you did. Now it's your turn to listen with an open heart and (perhaps) an adventurous spirit. We do not suggest you express your love in ways that don't feel genuine to you however. As we all know, expressions of love that aren't heartfelt don't feel very loving. Instead, try to stay open to what your partner is wanting and always return to your feelings for him or her.

Come from your heart as you discover what makes you feel loved and as you expand your ways of loving by listening to your partner's desires. This process is all about exploring, sharing and connecting.

Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who help people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more tips on turning up the heat in your love relationship, sign up for their free mini-course at [http://www.redhotloverelationships.com]Red Hot Love Relationships.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susie_Collins http://EzineArticles.com/?Relationship-Advice-for-Amping-Up-Your-Passion-and-Intimacy&id=900370