Why Second Marriages Are More Likely to Fail - Second Marriage Pitfall #4
By Richard Nicastro
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Right? The same age-old wisdom that encourages so many of us to get back on our bikes (or horses or surfboards) over and over again in search of perfection should work like a charm when it comes to marriage, too. Shouldn’t it? Yet many people are surprised to find out that second marriages are more likely to end in divorce. Irving, a fifty-four-year old real estate broker from Austin, Texas said, “You’d think the second time around would be easier, that I’d be better prepared. Being divorced once was hard enough. I never thought it would happen all over again.”
When first marriages fail, many people feel that time, precious time, has been wasted and an opportunity for ever-lasting happiness has been lost. After all, wasn’t the desire for happiness why you decided to marry in the first place?
Understandably, the painful experience of divorce can change your attitude about marriage. It changed Irving’s. The ten years he dedicated to his first marriage now felt like years that could never be reclaimed. His altered mindset negatively shaped his second marriage: “It happened once and it could happen again. I’m not going to waste another ten years waiting to find out this time.”
Since his first divorce, Irving became overly aware of his age and the passage of time. While his second marriage proceeded smoothly, time wasn’t an issue. He enjoyed the worry-free days with his new wife and felt stable, secure and relaxed. But when he and his partner fought (like all couples do), his perspective shifted dramatically. Each argument left him wondering about the number of “good years” he’d have left to meet a new companion. He’d think, “I’d rather end it now and begin looking for someone else sooner rather than later. Why wait until I’m sixty-five?”
Irving struggled with a mindset many people bring to their second marriages:
Pitfall #4: “Are you the one? I need to know before it’s too late!”
Despite that pressured attitude, Irving entered his second marriage determined to make it work. Unfortunately, he also entered his second marriage with a focus on an escape-hatch he had ready and waiting—after all, the clock was ticking. This mindset had a powerful effect and decreased his level of commitment, especially when he and his second wife encountered the usual bumps in the road.
Look for and challenge this mindset
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does the following statement resonate for you?: “I’m not going to waste time the second time around to find out this isn’t working.”
What are the benefits of such a mindset? What are the pitfalls?
When is this mindset most prominent in your second (or third) marriage?
What impact does this have on your level of commitment? On your ability to work out differences with your spouse?
As with overcoming any potentially destructive attitude, awareness is key. A little self-examination can go a long way in helping you overcome the pitfalls of the “hurry up and fail, or hurry up and succeed” trap.
Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?
Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
How To Know If He's The One For You
How To Know If He's The One For You
By Lucy Doyle
Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?
Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question. If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.
Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:
Religion
The way to bring up children
Whether or not he even wants children
Does he believe in marriage
How he handles money
What are his long term goals
And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.
You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.
It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.
To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review
By Lucy Doyle
Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?
Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question. If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.
Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:
Religion
The way to bring up children
Whether or not he even wants children
Does he believe in marriage
How he handles money
What are his long term goals
And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.
You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.
It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.
To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
How To Get Your Ex Back - 8 Great Tips
How To Get Your Ex Back - 8 Great Tips
By Ron Weber
If you are wondering how to get your ex back now that you have broken up, than let me tell you - in most cases it is doable. But the problem is that most people are doing it wrong. In fact, in many cases you will be driving your ex even further from you and not back to you!
This doesn't have to be that way. You simply need to learn how to get your ex back. It is possible, and involves doing certain things and avoiding other things.
First, let's talk about the thing you should not do. Simply avoid doing these, no matter what:
1. Chasing you ex. This is a big no-no. If you chase her or him with phone calls, emails, sending your friends as messengers and any other tricks, the only thing that will happen is that your ex start hating or fearing you. This leaves no chance of comeback what so ever.
2. Stalking your ex - again, a big no-no. If you will try to force them to see you by ambushing her or him you will only make things worse. People will start calling you "a stalker" and you will find it hard to make new friends this way.
3. Being depressed - If you let yourself slide into depression, other areas of your life will suffer. Some people even lost their job because their relationship came to an end. Don't let this happen to you.
4. Avoiding social life - If you will become a hermit as a result of a break up, that again you will only be punishing yourself. There is a big world out there, and you can find love. Be that your ex or another person.
So, what should you do? If you really want to start seeing how to get your ex back, try practicing the next 4 ways of action.
1. Create more value for yourself - When your ex left you, in many cases it was because she did not value you and your relationship high enough to stay. Therefore, your job is to create more value for yourself. For example, if you're a man, you can build more value by her hearing about you meeting other women.
2. Stay in touch - though it may hurt, stay in touch with your ex. This can be with email or sms, if you are not comfortable talking. When you do that, you remain her or him of the good times you had together and you also signal that there is a way back.
3. Do a make over - in many cases, being in a relationship for more than a year makes you less groomed. If you feel you've been neglecting yourself lately, start going to the gym and buy new and cool clothes. This will make you feel better about yourself and you will resonate that feeling to your surroundings. Your ex will feel that too.
4. Let her or him seek you out - Don't chase your ex around. Let them come to you. Doing all the things we just talked about will help you regain your confidence and your ex will feel that. Confident people attract other people, and your ex will be attracted to you again.
How to get your ex back is not rocket science. It's a simple process that will work if you apply it. If you and your ex belong together, than you will get back together eventually.
Ron Weber is a dating expert. You can find his experiences posted at the how to get your ex back blog. Just follow along as he posts his thoughts about the subject, and learn how to apply them to your life.
By Ron Weber
If you are wondering how to get your ex back now that you have broken up, than let me tell you - in most cases it is doable. But the problem is that most people are doing it wrong. In fact, in many cases you will be driving your ex even further from you and not back to you!
This doesn't have to be that way. You simply need to learn how to get your ex back. It is possible, and involves doing certain things and avoiding other things.
First, let's talk about the thing you should not do. Simply avoid doing these, no matter what:
1. Chasing you ex. This is a big no-no. If you chase her or him with phone calls, emails, sending your friends as messengers and any other tricks, the only thing that will happen is that your ex start hating or fearing you. This leaves no chance of comeback what so ever.
2. Stalking your ex - again, a big no-no. If you will try to force them to see you by ambushing her or him you will only make things worse. People will start calling you "a stalker" and you will find it hard to make new friends this way.
3. Being depressed - If you let yourself slide into depression, other areas of your life will suffer. Some people even lost their job because their relationship came to an end. Don't let this happen to you.
4. Avoiding social life - If you will become a hermit as a result of a break up, that again you will only be punishing yourself. There is a big world out there, and you can find love. Be that your ex or another person.
So, what should you do? If you really want to start seeing how to get your ex back, try practicing the next 4 ways of action.
1. Create more value for yourself - When your ex left you, in many cases it was because she did not value you and your relationship high enough to stay. Therefore, your job is to create more value for yourself. For example, if you're a man, you can build more value by her hearing about you meeting other women.
2. Stay in touch - though it may hurt, stay in touch with your ex. This can be with email or sms, if you are not comfortable talking. When you do that, you remain her or him of the good times you had together and you also signal that there is a way back.
3. Do a make over - in many cases, being in a relationship for more than a year makes you less groomed. If you feel you've been neglecting yourself lately, start going to the gym and buy new and cool clothes. This will make you feel better about yourself and you will resonate that feeling to your surroundings. Your ex will feel that too.
4. Let her or him seek you out - Don't chase your ex around. Let them come to you. Doing all the things we just talked about will help you regain your confidence and your ex will feel that. Confident people attract other people, and your ex will be attracted to you again.
How to get your ex back is not rocket science. It's a simple process that will work if you apply it. If you and your ex belong together, than you will get back together eventually.
Ron Weber is a dating expert. You can find his experiences posted at the how to get your ex back blog. Just follow along as he posts his thoughts about the subject, and learn how to apply them to your life.
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