Here is a Method That is Helping You Recover and Rebuild a Relationship After an Affair
By David W Richards
It must hurt so bad to be cheated by the one you love. A spouse, a lover. Some decide to cut the relation off. They file for a divorce. But, there are some who don’t want to end the relationship. They forgive the cheater.
People ask, ‘How can you forgive that easily?’, ‘What if it happens again?’
Those people asking have their reasons. How would you open your heart to someone who has betrayed your trust?
Is it possible?
It is possible for some people. It might be hard for you to imagine. But, there are many who could do it.
If you plan to keep your marriage, try these tips below:
• Make sure that the affair is really over
Ask your spouse to prove it. If it is not over yet, you’d better reconsider your decision to keep the relationship. However, if the evidences are certain, don’t try to look for more unnecessary proves. Your curiosity might lead to inaccurate facts.
• Find out the cause
There must be a cause. It could be the communication that has run dry, or sexual issue, or lack of appreciations. Discus it. Then, get a solution to that.
• Forgive and Forget
It is easy to say but it is the only way to succeed. Learn to forgive. Free your heart from revulsion. Clean it up. Empty it so that you can fill it in with a new chapter. And now, about your mind. Try to self-brain-wash. Discard any memory that might lead you back to the past related to the affair. This has also to be done by the cheating spouse.
• Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
Normally, after facing an affair done by your spouse, you would be lack of self-esteem. Being betrayed can do great damage to the way you feel about and look at yourself. But, remember that an affair does not change the fact that you are a wonderful person. You are still as beautiful, desirable, and intelligent as ever. This is important for a new start.
• Start it all over again
Create a new happier life together.
What to do when your spose says I don't Love You
David W Richards is a husband and a father of two lovely children. He has also been creating interesting websites such as Loan Brokering and Loan Calculators, and Loan Corporater.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Why Second Marriages Are More Likely to Fail - Second Marriage Pitfall #4
Why Second Marriages Are More Likely to Fail - Second Marriage Pitfall #4
By Richard Nicastro
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Right? The same age-old wisdom that encourages so many of us to get back on our bikes (or horses or surfboards) over and over again in search of perfection should work like a charm when it comes to marriage, too. Shouldn’t it? Yet many people are surprised to find out that second marriages are more likely to end in divorce. Irving, a fifty-four-year old real estate broker from Austin, Texas said, “You’d think the second time around would be easier, that I’d be better prepared. Being divorced once was hard enough. I never thought it would happen all over again.”
When first marriages fail, many people feel that time, precious time, has been wasted and an opportunity for ever-lasting happiness has been lost. After all, wasn’t the desire for happiness why you decided to marry in the first place?
Understandably, the painful experience of divorce can change your attitude about marriage. It changed Irving’s. The ten years he dedicated to his first marriage now felt like years that could never be reclaimed. His altered mindset negatively shaped his second marriage: “It happened once and it could happen again. I’m not going to waste another ten years waiting to find out this time.”
Since his first divorce, Irving became overly aware of his age and the passage of time. While his second marriage proceeded smoothly, time wasn’t an issue. He enjoyed the worry-free days with his new wife and felt stable, secure and relaxed. But when he and his partner fought (like all couples do), his perspective shifted dramatically. Each argument left him wondering about the number of “good years” he’d have left to meet a new companion. He’d think, “I’d rather end it now and begin looking for someone else sooner rather than later. Why wait until I’m sixty-five?”
Irving struggled with a mindset many people bring to their second marriages:
Pitfall #4: “Are you the one? I need to know before it’s too late!”
Despite that pressured attitude, Irving entered his second marriage determined to make it work. Unfortunately, he also entered his second marriage with a focus on an escape-hatch he had ready and waiting—after all, the clock was ticking. This mindset had a powerful effect and decreased his level of commitment, especially when he and his second wife encountered the usual bumps in the road.
Look for and challenge this mindset
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does the following statement resonate for you?: “I’m not going to waste time the second time around to find out this isn’t working.”
What are the benefits of such a mindset? What are the pitfalls?
When is this mindset most prominent in your second (or third) marriage?
What impact does this have on your level of commitment? On your ability to work out differences with your spouse?
As with overcoming any potentially destructive attitude, awareness is key. A little self-examination can go a long way in helping you overcome the pitfalls of the “hurry up and fail, or hurry up and succeed” trap.
Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?
Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.
By Richard Nicastro
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Right? The same age-old wisdom that encourages so many of us to get back on our bikes (or horses or surfboards) over and over again in search of perfection should work like a charm when it comes to marriage, too. Shouldn’t it? Yet many people are surprised to find out that second marriages are more likely to end in divorce. Irving, a fifty-four-year old real estate broker from Austin, Texas said, “You’d think the second time around would be easier, that I’d be better prepared. Being divorced once was hard enough. I never thought it would happen all over again.”
When first marriages fail, many people feel that time, precious time, has been wasted and an opportunity for ever-lasting happiness has been lost. After all, wasn’t the desire for happiness why you decided to marry in the first place?
Understandably, the painful experience of divorce can change your attitude about marriage. It changed Irving’s. The ten years he dedicated to his first marriage now felt like years that could never be reclaimed. His altered mindset negatively shaped his second marriage: “It happened once and it could happen again. I’m not going to waste another ten years waiting to find out this time.”
Since his first divorce, Irving became overly aware of his age and the passage of time. While his second marriage proceeded smoothly, time wasn’t an issue. He enjoyed the worry-free days with his new wife and felt stable, secure and relaxed. But when he and his partner fought (like all couples do), his perspective shifted dramatically. Each argument left him wondering about the number of “good years” he’d have left to meet a new companion. He’d think, “I’d rather end it now and begin looking for someone else sooner rather than later. Why wait until I’m sixty-five?”
Irving struggled with a mindset many people bring to their second marriages:
Pitfall #4: “Are you the one? I need to know before it’s too late!”
Despite that pressured attitude, Irving entered his second marriage determined to make it work. Unfortunately, he also entered his second marriage with a focus on an escape-hatch he had ready and waiting—after all, the clock was ticking. This mindset had a powerful effect and decreased his level of commitment, especially when he and his second wife encountered the usual bumps in the road.
Look for and challenge this mindset
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does the following statement resonate for you?: “I’m not going to waste time the second time around to find out this isn’t working.”
What are the benefits of such a mindset? What are the pitfalls?
When is this mindset most prominent in your second (or third) marriage?
What impact does this have on your level of commitment? On your ability to work out differences with your spouse?
As with overcoming any potentially destructive attitude, awareness is key. A little self-examination can go a long way in helping you overcome the pitfalls of the “hurry up and fail, or hurry up and succeed” trap.
Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?
Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.
Monday, August 27, 2007
How To Know If He's The One For You
How To Know If He's The One For You
By Lucy Doyle
Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?
Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question. If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.
Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:
Religion
The way to bring up children
Whether or not he even wants children
Does he believe in marriage
How he handles money
What are his long term goals
And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.
You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.
It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.
To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review
By Lucy Doyle
Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?
Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question. If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.
Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:
Religion
The way to bring up children
Whether or not he even wants children
Does he believe in marriage
How he handles money
What are his long term goals
And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.
You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.
It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.
To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)