Do you want to fall in love and stay in love forever? Do you want a relationship that endures through good times and hard times? Singles can often get discouraged. “Will I be alone the rest of my life?” is a frequent question. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be. HOWEVER-- you may have to quiet the discouraging voices of yourself and others, and keep remembering that you deserve a great love.
Recently, at a conference on relationships, one of the wedding planners summed up her observations: “The brides we work with span a range of all ages and are so terrified they are going to wind up alone, they have suddenly and indiscriminately chosen someone to marry. They then get totally absorbed in the planning of the wedding. This activity is a distraction from the larger issue of what they are going to do with the rest of their life—AFTER the wedding!”
To fall in love for the rest of your life, you must quiet the inner voice of fear. Have you made some decisions based on fear that you now regret? Many people panic and choose someone who they silently know is not right for them. They have listened to the negative voices, which have guided their choices. Here are some phrases that singles often hear:
“No one is perfect.”
To fall in love and stay in love is to know that there is someone who is perfect just for you. When you love someone for good and solid reasons, your bond can be deep enough to work through issues and challenges. When you choose well to begin with, you are committed to each other and the life you are making together.
“I’m not getting any younger.”
You’re right --and neither is anyone else. You can still have a relationship. More people get divorced or wait longer to get married than at any other time in history. Consequently, there are more singles in every age group for you to choose from, and more people looking for a relationship of substance as they get older.
“There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.”
This is the excuse we make when we have lost the courage and heart to keep looking for someone wonderful. Because relationships have not worked out for us in the past, we look for the flaws in other peoples’ marriages and point to those as the reason we don’t want a partner. It helps to be reminded that there are people who are together who not only survive—they thrive. If you would like to find a mate, remember that the search is scary, but courage is not an absence of fear. Courage is taking the actions you need in order to get what you want, and persevering until you get it.
“All marriages have problems.”
Of course they do! That doesn't mean you can't still love the person you have chosen. And when you examine what is going on between two people, you will discover that we need our relationship problems to help us grow. Working them out brings us our life’s lessons. So choose a life partner who is worth the stretch you will inevitably make.
“Everyone has flaws.”
To have the courage to fall in love, you need a positive context for human flaws. Our flaws define us, give us the challenges we have to work through, and ultimately, show us our strengths.
“It’s too late to meet someone.”
It’s never too late to fall in love—unless you say so. Consider the following:
* Network Tell your family and friends you want to meet someone.
* Internet Write a good profile; send a flattering picture; use caution.
* Go out —and be friendly when you get there.
If you don’t want to be alone, but you also don’t want to compromise to have a relationship, listen carefully for the voices that make some of the above remarks. They may seem like harmless words, but those phrases become your self-limiting thoughts. Those are the thoughts that keep you from being able to fall in love for the rest of your life.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
The Most Important Thing to Look for in a Relationship
Good looking, intelligent, personable, self-assured, these are important, but if the most important thing is missing, the relationship could be doomed. Usually we are attracted by physical attributes, the most obvious being gender, but build, height, hair color – all of these count too. Then we subconsciously look for things that compliment our deficiencies, and that might carry over in a positive way to any offspring that might result. It’s a biological and psychological process.
If all of this fits, then emotion takes over in the form of strong desire, and if the relationship proceeds on track, the desire becomes merely an attachment and a clinging if the most important attribute, the one we haven’t discussed yet, doesn’t come into play.
Think about when the desire begins to fade, as it will, and when the attachment and clinging becomes no more than a security thing; then what? This is the point when a relationship will either survive or fail, depending on the psychological needs of each partner and how strongly they require sensual stimulations. Approximately 50 % of marriages fail, and the number of failed relationships, although unknown, eclipses that figure for sure.
So the question is; what lengths would you be prepared to go to, to insure the survival of your relationship? If I could tell you what was the most important thing in a relationship, and that this most important thing would almost certainly insure your relationship’s survival, and . . . if it didn’t cost any money (and very little time), would you consider it?
This most important thing creates harmony in any relationship between human beings. Without it, we sink to our survival instincts of selfish greed, hatred, and confusion about life. This most important thing has nothing to do with religious beliefs or ideals; it is a very human element. We could call it love, however love has many faces, and the love we speak of here is not a love where we might love one but hate another, because that “other” could easily become you someday. If the capacity for hatred remains inside of us, it’s only a matter of time before that hatred is turned on those we supposedly love – the hatred is too painful to hold inside and must be released, usually on the ones nearest and dearest. This is because the “love” we thought we had for each other had been no more than lust and attachment, not authentic love at all.
Authentic love means that we love everybody. And it’s not a gushy love; it’s more mature than that. It’s respect, compassion, wisdom – all rolled up into one - and that one thing that is the most important in a relationship is . . . "Unconditional Love." The person who has developed unconditional love will love you from a deeper level than merely lust or attachment. This person will love you for the same reason that he or she loves humanity, because they do not set themselves apart from humanity; they are an integral part of it.
So look for unconditional love in a person; it’s easy to spot. And when you spot it, make certain that you can respond in kind. This special love, however, is either in your heart or not, and if it isn’t, first acknowledge that it is not there, and then do something about it.
To do something about it, begin with sitting quietly every evening for a few minutes and watch the many thoughts that flit through your mind. The fearful thoughts are the ones that keep you from unconditional love, and all you have to do is acknowledge them as you sit quietly and wait for the next thought to appear. Picture yourself on a freeway overpass, and the cars and trucks passing below your thoughts. Don’t jump into one and go for a ride, just watch them pass below and out of sight without becoming involved. This is how unconditional love is born, because our thoughts are our “selves,” and as we slowly distance ourselves from our negative thoughts, we slowly distance ourselves from our negative “selves,” and when we do that, the hatred we once had for those we don’t agree with softens, and we become unconditionally loving.
This is the way to the strongest relationship possible – it’s the most important thing.
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com
If all of this fits, then emotion takes over in the form of strong desire, and if the relationship proceeds on track, the desire becomes merely an attachment and a clinging if the most important attribute, the one we haven’t discussed yet, doesn’t come into play.
Think about when the desire begins to fade, as it will, and when the attachment and clinging becomes no more than a security thing; then what? This is the point when a relationship will either survive or fail, depending on the psychological needs of each partner and how strongly they require sensual stimulations. Approximately 50 % of marriages fail, and the number of failed relationships, although unknown, eclipses that figure for sure.
So the question is; what lengths would you be prepared to go to, to insure the survival of your relationship? If I could tell you what was the most important thing in a relationship, and that this most important thing would almost certainly insure your relationship’s survival, and . . . if it didn’t cost any money (and very little time), would you consider it?
This most important thing creates harmony in any relationship between human beings. Without it, we sink to our survival instincts of selfish greed, hatred, and confusion about life. This most important thing has nothing to do with religious beliefs or ideals; it is a very human element. We could call it love, however love has many faces, and the love we speak of here is not a love where we might love one but hate another, because that “other” could easily become you someday. If the capacity for hatred remains inside of us, it’s only a matter of time before that hatred is turned on those we supposedly love – the hatred is too painful to hold inside and must be released, usually on the ones nearest and dearest. This is because the “love” we thought we had for each other had been no more than lust and attachment, not authentic love at all.
Authentic love means that we love everybody. And it’s not a gushy love; it’s more mature than that. It’s respect, compassion, wisdom – all rolled up into one - and that one thing that is the most important in a relationship is . . . "Unconditional Love." The person who has developed unconditional love will love you from a deeper level than merely lust or attachment. This person will love you for the same reason that he or she loves humanity, because they do not set themselves apart from humanity; they are an integral part of it.
So look for unconditional love in a person; it’s easy to spot. And when you spot it, make certain that you can respond in kind. This special love, however, is either in your heart or not, and if it isn’t, first acknowledge that it is not there, and then do something about it.
To do something about it, begin with sitting quietly every evening for a few minutes and watch the many thoughts that flit through your mind. The fearful thoughts are the ones that keep you from unconditional love, and all you have to do is acknowledge them as you sit quietly and wait for the next thought to appear. Picture yourself on a freeway overpass, and the cars and trucks passing below your thoughts. Don’t jump into one and go for a ride, just watch them pass below and out of sight without becoming involved. This is how unconditional love is born, because our thoughts are our “selves,” and as we slowly distance ourselves from our negative thoughts, we slowly distance ourselves from our negative “selves,” and when we do that, the hatred we once had for those we don’t agree with softens, and we become unconditionally loving.
This is the way to the strongest relationship possible – it’s the most important thing.
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com
Sunday, March 18, 2007
When Silence Is The Best Answer You Can Give A Woman
When Silence Is The Best Answer You Can Give A Woman
By Teddy Shabba
Any time you find yourself faced with a question from a woman you are in a relationship with in which whatever you answer will require you to explain yourself you have 3 options:
State your answer and offer no explanationIgnore the questionStay silent for a moment as if you are thinking of an answer and then move on to something else.As you already probably noticed explaining yourself is not an option. The reason for this is because an explanation assumes she is looking for a logical answer when in reality she is looking for an emotional one.
As long as you continue to talk and try to explain your answer you prevent the one person capable of coming up with an emotional answer good enough for her, which is her.
If you have an answer that you would like it to be give it to her and allow her to come up with the reason why it should be that.
Even if her reason for doing what you want is completely different or illogical it doesn't matter because you still have gotten what you want.
More often than not, however, her questions will fall into the there is no good, right, or the answer is already known.
It is these questions that must be ignored and moved past.
Mainly because an answer doesn't benefit you and she knows it.
Ignoring the question just lets her know that you know there is no right answer and that you are wise enough to know better.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Teddy_Shabba
http://EzineArticles.com/?When-Silence-Is-The-Best-Answer-You-Can-Give-A-Woman&id=493233
By Teddy Shabba
Any time you find yourself faced with a question from a woman you are in a relationship with in which whatever you answer will require you to explain yourself you have 3 options:
State your answer and offer no explanationIgnore the questionStay silent for a moment as if you are thinking of an answer and then move on to something else.As you already probably noticed explaining yourself is not an option. The reason for this is because an explanation assumes she is looking for a logical answer when in reality she is looking for an emotional one.
As long as you continue to talk and try to explain your answer you prevent the one person capable of coming up with an emotional answer good enough for her, which is her.
If you have an answer that you would like it to be give it to her and allow her to come up with the reason why it should be that.
Even if her reason for doing what you want is completely different or illogical it doesn't matter because you still have gotten what you want.
More often than not, however, her questions will fall into the there is no good, right, or the answer is already known.
It is these questions that must be ignored and moved past.
Mainly because an answer doesn't benefit you and she knows it.
Ignoring the question just lets her know that you know there is no right answer and that you are wise enough to know better.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Teddy_Shabba
http://EzineArticles.com/?When-Silence-Is-The-Best-Answer-You-Can-Give-A-Woman&id=493233
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